I Try to Be a Good Wife

I found this old blog post about Ron and I and wanted to share...

Now I'm not one to brag on my domestic skills. I'm not like my mother. She knows how to make a fabulous hot meal and keep a tidy house with no effort whatsover. I didn't inherit these skills. I was too busy doing ballet tap and jazz to learn to cook. When I dated Ron I made sure he knew what he was getting into. My other friends have to make dinner for their husbands all the time. I tell them" Listen.I've lowered Ron's expectations so much every time I fry an egg he gets excited. Learn from the master."But sometimes I try to go the extra mile for my husband because I'm just that cool.

Marriage has been a trial. They didn’t tell me in pre maritial that there would be a man in my house trying to steal my closet space and he would intend on living there forever. I just didn’t know what to do. Then God sent that fire and only Ron’s shirts got burned. So I took it as a sign. I thought to make him feel better. I would try to make him an actual meal. I hadn’t really tried to cook for him before but I was feeling loving so I gave it a shot.

He enjoys the fine art of eating and sleeping. He's really good at it.I decided to try one of my mom's easier recipes I'd seen her do a thousand times.It's called Brocoli Cheese Cornbread.It's a southern favorite. It's easy all you need is cornbread mix from the box, cheese , and brocoli. This would be a snap. I was doing fine until about midway through I realized I was using not the Cheese Cornbread mix but the Blueberry Cornbread mix.I didn't think it would matter that much. Maybe he would enjoy the extra fruity flavors?I just picked some of the blueberries out and kept cooking.

I made the rest of the recipe and served it to him with a big smile . I saw him bite into the cornbread experiment and almost choke. Truth be told it was disgusting. If we had a dog I still wouldn't feed this blueberry purple and green mess to him. The dog would probably die. Ron did his best to swallow and be polite. Inside I was laughing but I wanted to see how long it would take him to comment on how bad my cooking was. He didn't say anything. He ate the whole thing. He only put two bites in his napkin when he thought I wasn't looking.It was amazing. I confessed to him later that night that I knew it sucked and asked him why he didn't tell me how bad it was. He said "Kerri beggers can't be choosers and food is food. I just thought it can't get much worse than this so I wanted to encourage you to keep trying. And with your lack of cooking Im losing a lot of weight . So overall this set up is a win win either way!"

You Can't Make This Stuff Up! Comedy in Bakersfield!

Ok so we made it down to Bakersfield, still married and two kids in tow last Fri. We were doing a small donation only show. We pull up to the address only to realize it's an apartment building clubhouse. Ron just shakes his head and says" How do you get me into these things? " I said" Ron there may only be 4 people in there but we're gonna give them the best darn comedy show they've ever seen."We prayed, swallowed our pride and entered to see a group of friends and fans enjoying cake, snacks and hanging out in a room with couches and no stage.

The mic was set up in the middle of the couches like group therapy.As Ron took the" no stage" to start what was supposed to be a quick 45 min show. We ended doing about an hour and a half show and everyone was rolling laughing. I said at the end. I'll hang out because I feel like God's gonna do something tonight and we should pray.

I had met earlier a young girl who was in the armed services and she got diagnosed with MS and was discharged. She's in the pic below. Then they pointed me to their nephew who sat through my whole show arms crossed and no smile. They said" Can you pray for him? He wasn't supposed to be here but he drove in from out of town before he heads to re hab for drug de tox.

I was looking for Ron and he was wrangling the girls as it was 10:00pm. I walked over to this young man and said" Um..Hi do you want prayer? " He said "Yes" and we walked into the kitchen. I said so" How should we pray? " He said" I just want these demons off of me!" I was thinking" Ok dokie then....um...demons....be gone...and um..don't get on me!" Inside I was panicking outside I was strong and full of faith. I felt so unprepared but he was standing there willing and wanting to be set free. I asked him if he wanted to be free he gave me a big yes and bowed his head. I began to pray for him. He prayed as I led him..others joined, somewhere in there God took over. I don't remember much after that. We felt God move. He was getting his freedom. He was committing his life to Christ fully and today was his victory day. He was praying , I was praying then everyone was thanking God out loud for the freedom and the glory.

When it was over he smiled for the first time and said" Well now I gotta get baptized!" Someone said, "Well there's a hot tub outside! Let's Go! Get your swimsuits! Come on Kerri!" So 5 mins later this young man, his pastor and a friend are all in the hot tub as we gathered around to watch this man get baptized and then on top of that we prayed for him to get filled with the Holy Spirit. It was amazing, hilarious, and ironic that God was working at an apartment clubhouse after a comedy show. God spoke to me that night as these lovely folks were praying for me and my needs and body saying "See Kerri...was this worth showing up for? Isn't this fun????" God is funny and fun. Where else can you get Comedy, Cake, Baptism in a hot tub and healing prayer for a girl diagnosed with MS in one night?

You guys are all on this journey with me..because of your prayers we are watching the miraculous. The next morning we found ourselves in an elegant country club with 250 ladies. As God moved at the end I randomly called out healing for Throat Cancer and there was a lady in the audience with throat cancer. Also a lady with a 40 year old daughter who was diagnosed" dying" in the hospital. I prayed with her ..her name was Sharon. I told her about you guys and how you pray with me for the miracles of healing and we believe her daughter will be healed.

God is healing! God is healing!

Love you all
Kerri  

Lucy is growing up so fast I found this old story and had to share...

Do You Ever Want To Sell Your Baby On EBay

By Kerri Pomarolli

I'm kinda kidding when I say I'm considering putting my almost 2 year old up for auction on EBay. Is that cruel to say? I could just put her on Craig's list and sell her to someone local in case I want to visit. No seriously, has your child ever made you so mad you just think about throwing in the towel on this whole parenting thing? Have you come home to find sharpie artwork on your new suede couch or all your favorite perfume poured down the toilet? Today was one of those days- !

I was making Lucy's favorite blue Jello today - #1.Because I don't really cook and Jello is easy to make. # 2. Because I'm awesome! I put the Jello in little ice cube trays and put them in the fridge. Behind me my lovely submissive daughter was quietly eating watermelon and drinking her milk. Don't you just love those moments when all is right with the world.

The phone rang as I started to fill the last Jello mold. As I answered the phone, I turned around to see watermelon all over the floor along with spilled milk. Cleverly, Lucy had taken the top off the sippy cup. I promised myself when I had a child I wouldn't punish them and freak out over little things like "spilled milk." I contemplated putting the watermelon back as she was trying to eat it off the floor. But I decided for the sake of cleanliness I would have her put it in the bowl and then trash it. I know there are starving kids in the world but I hadn't mopped in a while and I didn't feel like taking her to the Dr. because she ate watermelon off my dirty floor and get some weird parasite or something.

So I sweetly told her to do "clean up " and put it all back. She kinda- sorta started to do it. Then she grabbed more and stuffed it in her mouth. This was her version of cleaning?! Then she grabbed my shoe. I got the paper towels and told her to wipe up the milk. She decided it would be easier to do it with her feet while standing on the paper towels. Hmmm, I wonder where she learned that - she really does pay attention to mommy!

I continued talking to my friend on the phone assuming Lucy was doing her Cinderella clean up routine. Just then I hear "Oh no !" from her little mouth. I looked behind me to see the opened refrigerator  and a waterfall of blue Jello cascading all over inside, all over the food, into the drawers  and down into every crevice of my fridge and onto the floor mixing with the already spilled milk to make the most disgusting green sludge mess you have ever seen.

I absolutely lost my mind for a second. I  hung up the phone and yelled

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUCY! Look what you did! Look what you did!" She's looking at me as if to say "Yeah mom I did it but you're cleaning it up!" Her shirt, that was clean this morning, was now covered with pink watermelon stains and blue Jello streaks. I thought in a moment of insanity that I could convince her to clean all of this up. I used up all the paper towels and went to get more in the closet. But my loving husband put the rest of them on the top shelf where I can't reach them and he's gone. Perfect!

I sat there cleaning and telling her to help me at least pick up the watermelon. She looked at me with this smirk on her face, toddler tunes blaring in the background, she did the unthinkable. She started to dance and sing! I'm thinking "What? Are you serious? "Then after her performance we had a stare down contest to see who would break first, me or the cute adorable kid. I had to bite my lip because she knew I was about to crack a smile and give her victory. I didn't budge and neither did she. She just kept staring at me with that "I know I'm cute and you can't be mad at me" look that she does so well. I think she learned that from her father. Just then, I realized she was right. I could lose my temper over spilled Jello but she wouldn't hold a grudge . She wasn't mad at me and I couldn't be mad at this little person that's been messing up my house for the past two years. She was too cute, too endearing and too smart. I took the pink onesie off then put her down for a nap in her crib. As I write this she's now singing Betty Boop songs and rolling around her crib talking to her dolls. It's adorable. She kills me every time!

I think I need to learn more from this little munchkin.

We never need to cry over spilled milk or Jello. We always have more than enough to eat because we're blessed. When engaged in conflict with the enemy just give them that million dollar smile and sing some toddler tune like "Oh my darling Oh my darling ,then add your own lyrics and start clapping and say YAY! All Done!" You most certainly can diffuse even  the toughest foes anger...even mom!

Kerri Pomarolli is well known amongst the Christian powerhouses and spiritual warriors in Hollywood. An entertainment veteran, she has performed on the same stage as the biggest names in comedy and has been seen on the small screen many times including The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Comedy Central, ABC Family, Lifetime, NBC and many more. Pomarolli recently finished filming the outrageously funny comedy ENGAGED, set to hit the small screen. She has written 3 published books including Guys Like Girls Named Jennie that is being considered as a romantic comedy. Pomarolli’s books are well known to both secular and Christian readers and her award winning articles appear in newspapers and national magazines. Provocative and passionate, Kerri is a devout Christian who continues to lead outreach through humor. She tours extensively throughout the United States and Canada to Churches, Corporate, and today’s top comedy clubs. Kerri is in high demand as a standup comedian and emcee as well as an actor, inspirational speaker and writer. Watch for Kerri in the documentary HOLLYWOOD ON FIRE that includes some of today's and yesterday's well known celebrities. You can also see her every Tuesday at 4:00 PM EST on Momtv.com www.kerripom.com