Kerri's Intro
I was raised with a very Christian, very southern mother. She’s
a Presbyterian from Alabama—God’s country. She’s way more Christian than any of
us. She quit her church choir when they added a tambourine. You can only
imagine what it was like being raised by perfection. She never drank, she never
smoked, she never swore and she’s still a virgin!
Then you throw in my Italian Catholic father who raised me
with good Italian values…guilt and intimidation. I guess that stuff works
because I didn’t do a lot of bad things because I was afraid—not of the wrath
of God but of my Italian father. Did this affect my dating life? What dating life?
The fact that some man survived the matrix and got me to the altar is a
miracle. Now that I’m the parent of two daughters, it occurs to me that some of
that nonsense my mother was spouting might actually make some sense. Feel free
to enjoy my teenage rules. I’ll be out in my front yard building a moat and a
tower to “protect” my daughters. After all, Mother Knows Best!
Rules for Dating Kerri – by Barb Pomarolli
A Southern mother raising a Yankee daughter in Michigan was
difficult because there were certain rules that I expected boys to follow and
Kerri was very quick to point out that things were different than when I was
her age. Since I didn’t buy that theory,
I insisted that she and any boys she dated follow my rules. My main objective was that she be treated
with respect and if she set high standards for herself, then boys would respect
her. There were certain basic rules that
her dad and I set and then some old Southern proverbs which I thought were very
appropriate.
1. Don’t call boys or they’ll think you’re desperate. In my day (I love to say that), a girl never
called a boy, mainly because in my early teens we didn’t have phones. But when we did get phones, it was strictly
forbidden to call a boy because Emily Post said it was bad manners and we
adhered to Southern etiquette.
2. A girl can
never go out with a boy before he has met her parents. We definitely wanted to see and talk to
anyone that Kerri was thinking of dating.
Since her dad was a psychologist, the poor guy usually had to answer 50
questions before he could get Kerri out of the house. If he asked her out again after that test,
then we knew he really liked her and hopefully respected her parents. If he didn’t ask her out again, then we
thought she was better off without him.
Kerri’s father just reassured her if he wasn’t interested in courting
his perfect daughter he had severe psychological “issues.”
3. Kerri’s
dates always had to come to the door, come inside, and speak to either one or
both parents even if she had been dating him 2 years. She did not go out the door when a guy sat in
the car and honked the horn. If he
didn’t have enough courtesy to get out of the car and walk up to the front door,
then she wasn’t going anywhere with him.
4. Kerri’s
dates always had to walk her up to the door to say goodnight. If she invited them in, they had to speak to
whichever parent was waiting up for her. In most cases it was her father
cleaning his knife collection.
5. Boys were
never allowed in her bedroom, no matter what the circumstances. There was nothing in her room that couldn’t
be brought downstairs for a boy to see if it was of critical importance.
6. There was an
old Southern saying that you could tell a lot about a boy by the way he treated
his mother. If he showed her respect and
courtesy, then he would show his girlfriend that same respect. If he was rude or obnoxious to his mother,
then he would probably act that way with a girl. That saying usually proved to be true.
7. It was a
Southern custom that guys always opened doors for girls and I taught that
courtesy to my son, but I’m not sure all of Kerri’s boyfriends thought it was a
necessary part of good manners. I told
her just to stand next to the door of the car or restaurant or where ever they
were going and just wait until he got the message.
8. Another
custom in my day thing was that the guys paid for dates, but somewhere along
the way, that custom went by the wayside.
I guess when the price of movie tickets and hamburgers got so
outrageous; there wouldn’t have been as many dates if the guys had to always
pay for everything. Then there was the
Women’s Lib movement that made girls feel they should be equal so they should
share equally in the cost of dates. In
my opinion that was a bad move for females altogether but that’s just my
opinion.
9. You may
have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. I’m sure in Kerri’s case that was true, but
thankfully she eventually found her prince after a lot of toads.
10. The kind of
boys who are overly nice, nauseatingly so, to your parents are the one you have
to watch out for. They’re usually after
more than a kiss.
11. “Why buy the
cow when you’re getting milk for free?” was an old Southern saying which I’m
sure was very true then and still is.
That’s why setting high standards are very important.
12. Lastly, since
Kerri has an Italian father, she was always reminded that any time a guy was
getting too fresh; to just tell him that her dad was connected to the mafia and
those guys got their kicks from breaking body parts. That always worked.
Kerri’s Reflections
In looking back at these rules, I do see the wisdom in them.
I did my best to follow most of them—and for the ones I didn’t, I just tried
not to get caught. I think having the strictest parents on the block made me
feel safe in a lot of ways and saved me from more uncomfortable situations than
I care to admit. One time I guy who took me to a homecoming dance asked me to
go “hot tubbing” with him and his friends. I just plainly walked into my living
room and asked my father: “Dad, can I go hot tubbing with my date tonight at
11:30pm at his uncle’s house?” My dad slowly walked over to me and my date who
was all of about 5 foot 4 and said, “Thank you for returning my daughter and
here is the door.” I knew I could always count on Dad. It’s funny how we look
at parenting from such a different perspective once we become parents. The only
thing I’d change about these rules for my daughters today is that neither of
them is allowed to even look at a boy until she is at least 30!
