Let Us Eat Cake (And anything else we want too)

I say let every woman decide for herself within reasonable means what she will or will not put in her body. I'm sick of other women telling me if I don't eat certain foods or consume certain oils my kid is going to come out wrong

I have a confession to make. I think the kids that are raised on all that health food and a totally "organic diet" are going to turn out weird! Wait, just hear me out. If you don't give your child chocolate and he or she doesn't know the delectable taste of frosted cake icing or ice cream for example, what do you think is going to happen when you drop them off at their friend's birthday party when they're 4? You think all the other kids in the neighborhood are serving organic carob cake with no additives? No way, the other kid's mom got out the Duncan Hines cake mix and frosting and globbed it on for all the little kiddies to go home in a sugar induced coma. That's what American moms do. So my theory is to start introducing these foods while they're in the womb and gradually when they're born. I'm not saying I'm putting chocolate syrup in the formula but you can better believe this kid is going to eat some sugar before she's 3!

I think food is a hot topic for me because eating is one of my favorite pastimes. My husband and I are champion eaters of just about every cuisine. In our free time we don't hike or bike or do ceramics but we can clean up at the world's finest buffets with the best of them. We always plan our vacations around the food where we'll be going. Vegas is a draw for us not because of the gambling but because of the many wonderful options that have our favorite words on the sign "All you can eat $9.99." I get this from my upbringing and hope to pass it onto my child. I will not do what my parents did to me and make her stand in line for the 12 and under when she's 19. My dad would say "Just go get some crab legs honey and give them to mommy for her purse. We'll be in the car waiting!" My parents taught me these cardinal buffet rules that our family abided by when I was very young:

1. Salad is for sissies and hippies. It's wasted space in your stomach and on your plate.

2. Go directly for the crab legs if they have them or shrimp of any kind to really get your money's worth.

3. Always get 4 desserts or more. It's free and you can taste some of all of them.

4. Don't waste your calories on those fancy cheese cubes and crackers it's a ploy to divert your attention from the prime rib carving station or the baked ham.

5. If you think you're full, get one more plate of food. Mom's plastic bag in her purse will take home your leftovers.

6. Condiments are meant to be stolen off your table if they're in packets. They make lovely gifts.

7. Try to eat before 5:00pm that will get you the "early bird special".

8. Casinos have the best buffets even if you don't gamble. We spent last Christmas celebrating Jesus' birth eating at Pachango casino buffet with all the other chain smoking gambling sinners.

9. Gluttony is not a sin if you're at a buffet. God understands and He will forgive you this time. He after all invented buffets.

10. Pace yourself because they can't kick you out. Legally they can't, because we fought the battle in court and we won. Stay for 4 hours...be free people! Have your crab legs and eat them too!

Well this time honored traditions will definitely upheld with our children and hopefully their children and their children's children. Man, just thinking about all this wonderful buffet food is making me hungry. My mom called yesterday and was asking if we could go back to the Pachanga buffet for Christmas dinner this year. I 'm not sure if we can take a 2-month-old baby into a casino but apparently my mother is willing to try.

My ever-loving husband has been asked to be a "weight loss spokesperson" for a new health and wellness company called Thinergetics. We love this company and they have a proven track record of getting people well from disease and also getting that unhealthy weight off. The thing is he's on a 90 day-diet detox program where he has to give up wheat, dairy, sugar, and anything with brewers yeast in it, which includes vinegars and dressings.

Our baby is due in less than 90 days and he is on this hard-core re balancing diet for his health while he watches his wife crave massive amounts of sugar. He's such a trooper because he believes in the program he's not cheating at all. I don't know how he does it. So to support him I try not to eat all the crazy sugar stuff in front of him. I hide my candy in my purse and place my real ice cream behind his "Soylicious Non Dairy Frozen Treats!" So far he's been strong but there's a part of me that hopes he's not going to lose his mind one night and invade my "special pregnancy" cabinet and go nuts with all the M&M's and peanut butter cookies. I should probably child proof that cabinet immediately I do believe health food is good for kids in moderation. I just think I might have some "mommy foods" still stashed around the house for late night "mommy feedings" when she's not looking. She can have a cookie but mommy will still need her own private stash.

Is that wrong? I mean I don't want to instill the bad habits of eating cocoa puff cereal for breakfast lunch and dinner into my daughter's brain until she's at least in college. It's totally okay to eat cereal all 3 meals because its cost efficient and all that sugar gets you hyped up for the all night study sessions.

So all in all I'm preparing my game plan when it comes to what I'll be eating and what my child will be eating. This is another way for me to pass the time in the wee hours of the night. I'm sure everything will go exactly according to plan in this area. I know, I hear you out there laughing out loud. Let me live in my pre-child rearing bubble a little while longer would you?

I'm going to get bite to eat!