Dear Pooh Bear,
You kind of, sorta crawled last week. Or maybe you didn't. I saw you inching your way forward on your knees. I put a toy right in front of you. You stared at it and made an effort to get it and then you just kind of sat there and thought about it for a long time. I could tell you were contemplating reaching for the toy and all the effort that would go into the venture. You decided to roll over instead...smart decision. I sometimes feel like I'm training a puppy with you down on the floor and me waving and clapping in front of your face yelping "Come on girl. Come and get it girl!" I'm sure you're just enamored with my antics.
You started really rolling over more often. I put you in the crib the other day just as I always do and I came in and somehow you had rolled yourself over and to the center of the crib and gotten your head under the decorative blanket. It freaked me out. I'm glad you're able to roll but it just happened one day and I wasn't expecting it. Sometimes you roll over on your face and you stay there as if you don't mind. I wonder if it's just too much effort to get back to the original position.
You remind me so much of Winnie the Pooh. He had great intentions for going out and getting honey and doing his tasks but most of the time he got stuck in a predicament and just muttered to himself "Oh Bother." And then he'd go on his merry way. He wasn't worried about much at all. He wasn't depressed and down like Eeyore the donkey or fretting around like Rabbit. He just basically was his cuddly wuddly rolly polly old self. Your whole nursery is decorated like the Hundred Acre Woods from Winnie the Pooh. I wanted you to be surrounded by all the wonderful characters that I loved as a child. I took that video with me to college and whenever I was sad. I would pop in the movie and pretend my bottom bunk bed was like Pooh's tree house in the Hundred Acre Woods. It was always a good day there with Pooh and all of his friends.
I think I'm more like Rabbit and you're more like Pooh. We're a good match. You just love to eat and cuddle. Please Lucy, please let me cuddle with you when you're grown up. I just don't think I could bear the thought on not scooping you up in my arms and holding you close. It's different when you're older I know. I wonder if my mom ever looks at me that way. Does she see me as her little baby still? Cuddling with you is my pure joy in life.
Your father is definitely a "Pooh "like you. If you feed him and let him nap. He's good to go in life. That's basically all he needs. Why can't I be that simple? I think if I left you and Daddy alone the two of you would have a grand old time never leaving the bed. Well as a matter of fact that sounds like a lovely day. I should take more days of doing nothing and just enjoy this time with you. Why can't I do that? I'm always rush, rush, rush. I'm always thinking and planning. It's like I have this ticker in my head and it won't go off.
Sometimes when I hold you and we're playing the world does stop for awhile. You're one of the only people in the world that can have that effect on me. I can stare at you when you're playing or sleeping and just be so in the moment. The world stands still. It's just a learning process I'm going through right now in learning to be that way more than once every so often. I don't want to miss these incredible moments you're giving me because I'm worrying about a phone call or an email that needs to be written. For instance, you just love to suck on your fingers. It gives you sheer delight and I could sit there and watch you forever just taste each and every finger one by one. It's like they are flavored with strawberry or something. You love them so much. I will take your hand out of your mouth but then you just put it right back in. It's hilarious. I hope I'm not missing these moments by being as Pooh would say "a silly old Rabbit!"
There's another character like that in the storybook "Alice in Wonderland" called the White Rabbit. He's always singing "I'm late, I'm late for a very important date. No time to say hello good bye I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" Why are rabbits always in a hurry? They're faster than all the other animals but they're still stressed about it. Hmmm...yep...I'm a rabbit for sure. I hope you don't grow up to be a rabbit. Stay the cute little "Pooh Bear" that you are. Life is nicer that way. Believe me.
When we went to Mommy and Me the other day there was this other little girl about your age who was completely round. She could sit by herself. Being the competitive mom that I am, I tried to make you sit by yourself but you refused to bend your knees. You'd much rather have me hold you and stand. When you finally do sit you just totter right over to one side and laugh. I know this whole thing amuses you to no end that all these adults are trying to make you move in ways you're just not that interested in.
You're perfectly content to just lie there on your back and watch the clouds that we painted on the ceiling. In fact you love ceilings and anything on the especially lights and fans. You will sit there for hours just staring at a light on the ceiling. I wish my life was that simple. Maybe I should take more time to just stare at the ceiling. Do you find it relaxing?
Your whole world seems relaxed to me and I somewhat jealous. I know the whole teething thing is no piece of cake but you don't seem to let it get you down. I also realize when you have that gas pain in your tummy it must hurt a lot. I ate salami the other day for lunch, about 5 pieces. I'm sorry because I think it bothered your stomach that night. I didn't think about it. I ate it all the time when I was prego with you in my belly. I'm so sorry honey. I won't eat salami anymore.
Love,
Rabbit
Musings from the clean comedian, blogger, author, actress, motivational speaker, mom, 80s rocker, supermodelwannabe, social butterfly, bargain shopper, Out of the closet Christian in Hollywood.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Where Will I be Standing?
I always pride myself as being one of the loud, few "Out of the Closet Christians" in Hollywood today. I've been blessed to have opportunities to appear on national shows like CNN's Showbiz Tonight talking about my faith on current events and much more. But I realize this transition wasn't something I planned. And I'm a planner.
When I started out in my career as a standup comic I was playing characters with the scripts already written for me. After paying my dues I created my own act and was free to say things that I'm passionate about. I got the control we "type A women" love.
One night I was appearing at a famous Hollywood comedy club with other female comics doing disgusting sexual jokes and basically making fun of anything moral or Christian. One lady even brought a "Christian" book on stage and belittled it. I had to follow her act and all I could do was to hope for the best. People loved my jokes and the fact that I said things like "Well we Christians are Hot Right now! The Passion is a hot movie! We're the new Kabala!" I knew I had to just continue being unafraid of my beliefs and of course be funny. There was a TV producer in the audience who stopped me after the show. He said he wanted to meet with me about some possible TV opportunities based on my comedy act about my life as "Good Girl." He was really intrigued and thought it would be a refreshing concept for a sit com such as a modern day" Mary Tyler Moore." We had some meetings and he was really excited about working with me. I was really new to the comedy scene but I knew from being in TV and film these opportunities are a big deal.
One night Ben, the producer, arranged a big showcase for this huge Hollywood manager/sit com producer to see me about a possible development deal with a major network. It was at the biggest club in LA. I remember being so nervous that night. The guy working the box office was a friend of mine and fellow comic. He saw that I was nervous and did the strangest thing. He shut down the ticket booth and reached over and prayed with me. No one had ever done that in public before. It was sweet.
I went on to have a good show and met Ben and the TV exec later on for dinner. The response was positive about my act and I was pleased. Later that week Ben called and the first thing he said was "You really played that whole God card hard, huh?" I didn't know what he meant. He continued "Ya know you mentioned God several times on stage and that's really going to pigeon hole you with those people." "What people?" I asked. "You know those Christians. If you want to make it big in this town you have to manipulate your faith and not be so open about it. I even saw you praying before the show. That's a bad move if you want to be successful." I was in shock. I felt like I was being punched in the gut literally. I didn't know how to handle it and I took a day to think and pray. Then I found this verse in the bible "Blessed are those who are persecuted in my name." I thought "Wow! This is really happening and it hurts but I'm honored to stand up for Jesus for the first time in my life." I called Ben and politely witnessed to him all about how my faith was way more important than anything he or Hollywood had to offer. I knew I trusted God. He would give me all the deals in His perfect timing. I told him and when God comes back someday to judge the earth. I want to be pigeon holed with my people, the Christians. Ben and I never did work together. I went on to be more blessed with opportunities than I could ever ask for. And by the way I married the guy in the ticket booth who prayed for me, comedian Ron McGehee! See? God's good like that!
When I started out in my career as a standup comic I was playing characters with the scripts already written for me. After paying my dues I created my own act and was free to say things that I'm passionate about. I got the control we "type A women" love.
One night I was appearing at a famous Hollywood comedy club with other female comics doing disgusting sexual jokes and basically making fun of anything moral or Christian. One lady even brought a "Christian" book on stage and belittled it. I had to follow her act and all I could do was to hope for the best. People loved my jokes and the fact that I said things like "Well we Christians are Hot Right now! The Passion is a hot movie! We're the new Kabala!" I knew I had to just continue being unafraid of my beliefs and of course be funny. There was a TV producer in the audience who stopped me after the show. He said he wanted to meet with me about some possible TV opportunities based on my comedy act about my life as "Good Girl." He was really intrigued and thought it would be a refreshing concept for a sit com such as a modern day" Mary Tyler Moore." We had some meetings and he was really excited about working with me. I was really new to the comedy scene but I knew from being in TV and film these opportunities are a big deal.
One night Ben, the producer, arranged a big showcase for this huge Hollywood manager/sit com producer to see me about a possible development deal with a major network. It was at the biggest club in LA. I remember being so nervous that night. The guy working the box office was a friend of mine and fellow comic. He saw that I was nervous and did the strangest thing. He shut down the ticket booth and reached over and prayed with me. No one had ever done that in public before. It was sweet.
I went on to have a good show and met Ben and the TV exec later on for dinner. The response was positive about my act and I was pleased. Later that week Ben called and the first thing he said was "You really played that whole God card hard, huh?" I didn't know what he meant. He continued "Ya know you mentioned God several times on stage and that's really going to pigeon hole you with those people." "What people?" I asked. "You know those Christians. If you want to make it big in this town you have to manipulate your faith and not be so open about it. I even saw you praying before the show. That's a bad move if you want to be successful." I was in shock. I felt like I was being punched in the gut literally. I didn't know how to handle it and I took a day to think and pray. Then I found this verse in the bible "Blessed are those who are persecuted in my name." I thought "Wow! This is really happening and it hurts but I'm honored to stand up for Jesus for the first time in my life." I called Ben and politely witnessed to him all about how my faith was way more important than anything he or Hollywood had to offer. I knew I trusted God. He would give me all the deals in His perfect timing. I told him and when God comes back someday to judge the earth. I want to be pigeon holed with my people, the Christians. Ben and I never did work together. I went on to be more blessed with opportunities than I could ever ask for. And by the way I married the guy in the ticket booth who prayed for me, comedian Ron McGehee! See? God's good like that!
Monday, February 18, 2008
IF YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL IN THE 70's......
Hey Guys!
I found this email online...these are some of my favorite memories!
~Kerri
1. You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked.
2. You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it.
3. You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels.
4. You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute (admit it!)
5. You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.
6. You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie", not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill".
People sometimes thought you were a boy.
7. You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days.
8. You owned a "Slip-n-Slide", on which you injured yourself on a sprinkler head more than once.
9. You owned "Klick-Klacks" and smacked yourself in the face more than once!
10. Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.
11. You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.
12. You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.
13. You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits, or the sunshine family
14. You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once.
15. You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color. (Oh yeah!)
16. You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole & the buckle). You also had a pair of salt-water sandals.
17. You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Oleson!
18. You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink!
19. PONG! ("video tennis" ) was the most remarkable futuristic game you've ever heard of!
20. Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket.
21. When you walked, the "wings" flapped up and down, looked like you were gonna "take off"
22. You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.
23. You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic.
With the thermos inside some were glass inside and broke the first time you dropped them.
24. You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend.
25. YOU had Star Wars action figures, too!
26. It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!
27. You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry.
Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or David Cassidy?"
28. You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record album.
29. You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom.
30. You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts!
31. You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.
32. You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat.
33. You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books. (Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.)
34. You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics. (It's not??)
35. You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.
36. You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.
37. You drowned yourself in Love's Baby Soft - which was the first "real" perfume you ever owned.
38. You glopped your lips in Strawberry Roll-on lip-gloss till it almost dripped off.
I found this email online...these are some of my favorite memories!
~Kerri
1. You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked.
2. You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it.
3. You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels.
4. You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute (admit it!)
5. You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.
6. You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie", not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill".
People sometimes thought you were a boy.
7. You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days.
8. You owned a "Slip-n-Slide", on which you injured yourself on a sprinkler head more than once.
9. You owned "Klick-Klacks" and smacked yourself in the face more than once!
10. Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.
11. You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.
12. You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.
13. You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits, or the sunshine family
14. You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once.
15. You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color. (Oh yeah!)
16. You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole & the buckle). You also had a pair of salt-water sandals.
17. You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Oleson!
18. You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink!
19. PONG! ("video tennis" ) was the most remarkable futuristic game you've ever heard of!
20. Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket.
21. When you walked, the "wings" flapped up and down, looked like you were gonna "take off"
22. You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.
23. You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic.
With the thermos inside some were glass inside and broke the first time you dropped them.
24. You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend.
25. YOU had Star Wars action figures, too!
26. It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!
27. You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry.
Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or David Cassidy?"
28. You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record album.
29. You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom.
30. You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts!
31. You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.
32. You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat.
33. You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books. (Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.)
34. You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics. (It's not??)
35. You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.
36. You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.
37. You drowned yourself in Love's Baby Soft - which was the first "real" perfume you ever owned.
38. You glopped your lips in Strawberry Roll-on lip-gloss till it almost dripped off.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Reality Rules
Greetings from the "Mommyhood". Our little 10 pounder arrived 4 weeks ago and we've been in survival mode feeding the little "Sumo wrestler" ever since. Thank God for Grandparents because we would not have survived without them. My folks have been with us for the duration. So, I haven't seen the light of day except through that magical little life saving tube that got me through my pregnancy called the "television". I'm sad to admit my excitement comes in the form of looking forward to nights as a family watching reality TV. Now that the Writers Union is on strike there will be more of it for me to enjoy. You can laugh all you want but I like it.
I'd like to take a stand and defend my family night entertainment. All three generations of us enjoy "Top Chef" "Next Iron Chef" "Boy Meets Grill" and anything on the Food Channel. The irony there is that I don't cook. So it's kind of cruel torture for my husband to see all those delicious dishes he won't be eating. Oh well I gave birth to his child. That should hold him for 18 years.
There's also "The Amazing Race" where teams compete in a race around the world. With my mom here, we get old school and watch game shows. I admit I do get a kick out of watching "Deal or No Deal" where people with absolutely no skills whatsoever get to win a million dollars. Our favorite of all is "Dancing With the Stars". This brings back memories of Saturday nights as I sat and brushed my grandma's white hair and we watched Dance Fever and even Solid Gold if mom wasn't home. (Sometimes we'd chill out to a little Lawrence Welk)
So why my obsession with these mindless shows when we know our family could be indulging in some old fashioned Yatzee or actual conversation? Well, here is the deal folks: we're all cooped up in this home caring for a new baby 24 hours-a-day and our minds are mush. So what makes us happy is to watch other people cook, win money or learn dance routines. Isn't rooting for Marie Osmond on Dancing with the Stars too cool? I grew up with her and Donny.
My main defense is that these shows are good clean fun. It's not like we can all sit around and watch "Desperate Housewives" or "Dirty Sexy Money" and all the other disgusting offerings on the tube these days. It's sad that there aren't shows on nowadays like we used to watch including "Little House on the Prairie" or "Happy Days". I miss Fonzie! I'm even appalled by some of the children's shows on now and how inappropriate they are.(Wow! I sound like a mom
already!) So what's a mom to do? Until there are good clean scripted shows on that me, my folks and baby can enjoy together, baby Lucy is going to grow up being a really good cook and knowing some "kickin" dance moves. Maybe we should get our own reality show? Now..that's the ticket...
I'd like to take a stand and defend my family night entertainment. All three generations of us enjoy "Top Chef" "Next Iron Chef" "Boy Meets Grill" and anything on the Food Channel. The irony there is that I don't cook. So it's kind of cruel torture for my husband to see all those delicious dishes he won't be eating. Oh well I gave birth to his child. That should hold him for 18 years.
There's also "The Amazing Race" where teams compete in a race around the world. With my mom here, we get old school and watch game shows. I admit I do get a kick out of watching "Deal or No Deal" where people with absolutely no skills whatsoever get to win a million dollars. Our favorite of all is "Dancing With the Stars". This brings back memories of Saturday nights as I sat and brushed my grandma's white hair and we watched Dance Fever and even Solid Gold if mom wasn't home. (Sometimes we'd chill out to a little Lawrence Welk)
So why my obsession with these mindless shows when we know our family could be indulging in some old fashioned Yatzee or actual conversation? Well, here is the deal folks: we're all cooped up in this home caring for a new baby 24 hours-a-day and our minds are mush. So what makes us happy is to watch other people cook, win money or learn dance routines. Isn't rooting for Marie Osmond on Dancing with the Stars too cool? I grew up with her and Donny.
My main defense is that these shows are good clean fun. It's not like we can all sit around and watch "Desperate Housewives" or "Dirty Sexy Money" and all the other disgusting offerings on the tube these days. It's sad that there aren't shows on nowadays like we used to watch including "Little House on the Prairie" or "Happy Days". I miss Fonzie! I'm even appalled by some of the children's shows on now and how inappropriate they are.(Wow! I sound like a mom
already!) So what's a mom to do? Until there are good clean scripted shows on that me, my folks and baby can enjoy together, baby Lucy is going to grow up being a really good cook and knowing some "kickin" dance moves. Maybe we should get our own reality show? Now..that's the ticket...
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