Jazz Class Groupon

I really did it this time. Blame the Groupon. 

Let's just skip the details and get to the mortifying part. I decided in my infinite wisdom to take a "Jazz Class" last night. Jazz class is part of my childhood and for some reason I was feeling rather good about myself in that" I can fit into my skinny jeans, I can conquer the world kind of way." I've been dieting like a mad woman for this ridiculous weekend High School reunion. I tried on the sequin outfit I wore to the last reunion and it fit! I mean it really fit. Not in the way that you have to hold your breathe.

So just because the jeans fit doesn't necessarily mean we move on to the lycra and the leg warmers that have been under the bed for 10 years.( for good reason)
But no one told me this. I "suited up" and went to the dance studio. I should have known by the sign this wasn't going to be exactly what I expected. The studio was called "Celestial Expressions" and the girl on the billboard looked more like a gumby rubber toy than a dancer.
So the perky desk clerk "Tammy" says" Hello can I help you? " So obviously she thinks I'm a Mary Kay Sales person and in no way would ever be signing up for jazz class. I say" I'm here for the class"
Tammy:"What class?"
Me: The jazz class at 7:00pm.
Tammy; Look of terror on her face tries to hide her horror at my parachute pants. "Ohhhhh I'm sorry..studio A.Right down the hall. Tiffini will be with you in 5 minutes."

Tiffini is the teachers name, so I can assume she's just graduated from 12th grade at best. If the teacher was named Madam Olga or Dawn or Jennifer then there was a fighting chance she would be even close to my age. Not Tiffini! Tiffini's are cute perky girls with pony tails and like pink bubble gum ice cream for dinner and never gain an ounce. I know this. I used to be her!

So I walk into the studio and there were literally 3 girls there. When I say girls I mean girls as in high school . They were in a huddle discussing the trauma of the new school uniform policy and how 10th grade was going to be much more demanding than 9th. The tall girl in the middle looked my way as if to say" Haven't I babysat for one of your kids?"

They continued their conversation without inviting me so I sat down on the floor and searched for my phone so I could look popular. I immediately went to my facebook. I'm very well liked on facebook and everyone loves me. That is why I carry my phone with me everywhere in case of moments like these.

So I hear one of them say to the others," I know, it;s like um so rad cause I like um get to do the thing like everyday."
The other girls who speak her language nodded in total agreement understanding every word she said.

So after 9 unbearably long minutes Tiffini(I'm so beautiful and skinny and I eat cupcakes for breakfast) walks in. She's clearly old..I mean like 20 maybe old?
She says" Ok guys welcome to Jazz basic. I'm Tiff and we're going to do a lot of floor work and turns and leaps tonight. Let's start our warm up with an oldie but goodie."She then turns on a Beyonce song.( she's really old now by the way.) Obviously if you come out with a hit song and then 6 months go by and you happen to have a baby. You are put out into pop culture oblivion. The one exception to this rule is someone named Madonna and let me tell you right now. Do not confuse her with the mother of our Lord. This Madonna may have sold her soul to discover the fountain of youth because I think she's about 160 and still kickin it old school to sold out audiences. People get confused because she did sing about prayer once but rest assured after much research, I realized she has absolutely nothing whatsoever in common with the Madonna you're thinking of.

So the music's playin and all four of us jazz divas are doing the warm up. The problem was my muscles hadn't done any warm ups like this in literally about 8 years. I used to dance Pearl. I used to be somebody. I used to be a contender! And I always saw these mom characters sneaking into my classes with their Fosse Jazz hands trying to keep up. I swore to myself in NYC at Steps Studio" As God as my witness, may I never be like one of those old ladies in their...gasp 30's . Or may I never be like my mother Barb who dragged me to her Jazzercize classes where I at age 3 sat on the floor eating my cheerios watching middle aged women running in place singing" She's a Maniac..maniac on the floor and she's dancin like she's never danced before!" Oh it gets worse Pearl you should have seen them doin "She works haaaaaaaaaaard for the money! So haaaaaaaaaaard for it honey! She works hard for the money so you better treat her right!"

So I'm doing my best to look cool and it hits me that the new dance wear styles are actually throw backs to the 80's and 90's so I do actually fit right in in the wardrobe department. Now I know you're into fabric and fashion so here's a tip for you. Never throw anything away, just put it under the bed for at least 10 years and it will come back. I just wish I kept my neon sweatshirts.
The warm up was difficult. It's hard to explain but let me try to give you a visual. Tiffini is lifting her legs high up by her ears while standing .I imagine she is a Twister National champion. She then asks us to show her our"center splits." I know as the mother of two daughters if I attempt this position I may have the same problem my Lucy does in class and pee on myself.My legs haven't been in this position since the last time I gave birth. This is not natural. So what do I? I can't be shown up by the young ins.

 I spread my legs as far as they would go and then abruptly get stuck. I'm not in the splits and I'm not standing. I'm exactly smack dab in the middle forming some kind of ugly V with my legs and the problem is that I can't move. I can't go up.My hamstrings are now cramping in the worst charlie horse pain you can imagine. I can't go down. I'm just stuck and I don't want anyone to know. So I take my arms and try to push my legs harder and wider as I audibly hear the tendons in my thighs ripping to shreds. I just want to "be like the other kids" and they are fully in their split positions comfortably.Id like to see them go through the birth of two kids and give it a try then. I realize at this point, I 'm not going any further down. So I use my arms to grab onto each thigh and pull myself up to safety,all the while having my jazz hands and sparkle fingers waving. Tiffini is very clued into my difficultly and trying not to make a scene. She just nods at me and says" Um....do as much as you can!"
"Do as much as you can?????" Do as much as you can???"
You know what that means Pearl?" Do as much as you can old lady because when you fall and break a hip I don't want to get sued and I don't know why you're even here in the first place!!!You should probably go back to your jazzercise class at the recreation center!" I just smiled and kept my hips moving side to side as if I'm working on a new move.

So I wasn't about to be outdone by the teen squad. It was time for leaps and turns across the floor. I used to rock this! I knew I had it in me. The first round wasn't half bad. I did some leaping and turning and I didn't even fall down.Was there extreme vertigo? Yes! Did the room seem to spin in 14 directions causing me to feel like I just rode Space Mountain at Disney land? Yes. Did I do my best to walk in a straight line back to my spot? Yes! Mission accomplished...no falling.

So the next go across the floor I was feeling overly confident, I thought I'd add a little split into my leaps. So I geared up like an Olympic Athlete , jazz fingers spread, eyes focused and I did a few runs and thrust my legs into the air and attempted a scissors type motion before landing.Have you ever heard of Michal Barishnakov? I think in that moment I thought I was him! Attempted is the key word in this sentence. I know there was an A for effort but I also know my legs hadn't attempted anything like this maneuver ever. So they of course were rebelling and so instead of scissor kicking my muscles just decided to set their own personal boundary and stop me mid air. I landed on the ground with a loud thud. Luckily the Lady GA Ga was loud enough to drown out the sound of my elephant landing. I just smiled and chasay'ed back to my place. With each additional run across the floor I gave it my all. To quote the immortal words of the movie "Flash dance" I was a Maniac...Maaaaniac on the floor and I was dancing like I never danced before...literally."

I looked at the clock and it was time for class to be over. Our lovely energetic teacher said" You guys are so awesome let's go another 15 minutes shall we?" Well of course I had to stay and torture myself for just a few more excruciating minutes. She put us through some more combinations and across the floor moves. I did every single one without bleeding. When it was over she looked at us and said" You guys I
just discovered this great way to wind down. I wish they had it when I was growing up, it's called Yoga! Let's strike a pose."
"Well yes Tiffini I'm sure Yoga was only invented in the last 15 years after your birth. I'm so glad you were a pioneer and discovered it on you tube. Thank God because without your efforts I would not have had the pleasure of being stuck in downward dog for the next 8 minutes! Thank you!"

I collected my things and what was left of my dignity and hobbled to the car. As I walked in the house that night. I said to my family. "Kids, tonight Mommy was a Rock Star Dancer! Can somebody get me my Ben Gay?"

So what did I learn from this particular adventure? I don't really know. I know that I'm glad I tried. I think I could possibly go take another dance class in the future. I saw on the schedule that they have a class called" Broadway Styles" and that might be a bit more up my alley. But it's good to challenge ourselves and do things that scare us. There's no time like the present to do the things we've been meaning to do. We get so busy in this life with life, jobs, relationships, kids or whatever else. I've been wanting to get back to dance class for a couple years now.So I finally did it. I don't know what's next..maybe cooking class or even crazier hiking? Whatever it is, I'm going to do it. I only get one go round in this life and as long as God's given me this healthy body I'm gonna work it ! Yeah that's it . " I'm a Maniac! Maaaaniac on the floor!" I really gotta get you that soundtrack, you'd love it.Did you guys have dance parties? I mean King David from what I hear was a dancing maniac too. Did you hear about how his wife bawled him out after he was literally"Dancin in the Streets?" Can you blame her? I heard he was naked!

Talk later,
I have to go ice my thighs!
Kerri

Today I was a little bit down because there was something in my life that I really wanted even though my gut told me it wasn't exactly God's best for me. I gave it up to God and He swiftly removed it. Then of course I wanted it back! I didn't go against what my spirit was telling me but I wrestled with my mind and my flesh more than expected. It's not like God said following Him completely would ever be easy. And He has me personally on such a short leash I could choke myself!

So I decided to visit the Holy of Holy places Home Goods today. I was eyeing a pair of hot black boots and I struck up a conversation with a lady who happened to be from Michigan also. She casually told me that she had been suffering from great pain because of having Lupus and other diseases. I took a chance and asked her if she believed in God. She said "Yes I pray all the time!" I said “Do you believe that God could have sent me here to the shoe aisle because He says He wants to heal you completely and get rid of all that pain you live with daily?”  She had to quit her job and said she was in pain daily. She got excited and so did I .We prayed (I tried to behave and keep quiet) and I heard God tell me she was going to jump on a trampoline, ride a bike in faith for her healing and that she was completely healed today.

She got choked up and told me she bought a bike and was looking at it every day saying "When am I going to get to ride this?".  Her neighbor has a trampoline and she'd been trying to get on it this summer and jump despite much discomfort. She was a believer in God's healing. She just needed a reminder. We prayed for less than 3 minutes, 100% of her pain was gone. She said she felt a warmth sweep over her and she knew it was done. Then she proceeded to share with me her brother and her sister were both battling" incurable" diseases. Of course I shared with her Ruby's story and many more. There is nothing God can't heal and we agreed this was a divine appointment. I invited her to my church and hugged her. God and I bought a shopping cart full of items to celebrate what HE did today.

In recent study group we were discussing what worship really is. Is it a song? Is it an intentional time to tell God how great he is? I remember hitting the dressing room and literally being overwhelmed and shaking with what just happened. I couldn't do anything but stop and thank God for changing this woman's life a matter of moments ago. I learned that true worship can come in unexpected moments and God is always there to talk to us.

I don't know who you are...or where you are right now but if you read this far...you needed to hear this. God has a miracle for you. Wherever you are...stop....ask him....and see Him work in your situation. And by the way, that thing I thought I wanted. The desire for it completely fell away. It was if God was rewarding me for being obedient by letting more of Him flow through me. I really don't want anything to come between Him and I and having the most fun ever like I did today!

Now...if only God could show me how to pray for supernatural weight loss??? :)

(I also celebrated with a chocolate candy bar!)

Speaking of Fashion.....these are my kids rockin out the clothes line Bebe For Kids by Carla Jones Fong

Wild Hot Crazy Summer

Aahhh! The joys of summer are upon us. It’s funny, I don’t remember my mom stressing  about what enriching activities or educational camps I would attend that would make me a well rounded person. I was raised “back in the day” (as we now like to say) in the 1980s. It was a kinder and simpler generation where we did unthinkable things like going outside and playing. When I say playing, it didn’t even involve any electronics, unless you counted the flash lights we stole so we could play tag past dark.

I grew up in Michigan, and to me it did not seem very glamorous. I lived on a dead-end street and played with my friend Colleen  Murphy  and Carrie Vacerelli. On the weekend, we "got to go to Grandma’s house,” while Mom and Dad would get to have an actual date night; we’d watch Love Boat and Fantasy Island with Grandma. Grandma's house had no bedtimes and it was awesome! I lived for summer break because it was a time to be with my friends and just get crazy. Crazy I tell you! Now, I’m raising two kids in the oh-so-glamorous city of L.A. and I’m thinking about my Michigan summers with a longing in my heart. But don’t let me fool you... we were wild and crazy!

These are some of the wilder activities in which we partook during the summer:

1. We rode our bikes in the dirt without helmets. We were even allowed to ride around the neighborhood up to the store and buy a  whole pack of gum . Our moms did not worry about us  eating too much high fructose corn syrup in the gum. We made it! We all have our own teeth too. We didn’t worry too much about kidnappers because we learned how to protect ourselves from watching ABC After School Specials and Charlie’s Angels. It always worked out in the end.
2. We put up sheets in the basement and did shows. We danced and sang to our Fisher Price Record Player and my little brother Mark was forced to be the MC. Donny and Marie Osmond never sounded so good!
3. We came inside when we were hot and drank Tang like the astronauts or Hi-C Grape Juice (which had no grapes). Sometimes we even drank water from the tap or get this one… the hose! Yep, still standing. That probably explains a lot about my generation.
4. We made mix-tapes of our favorite Whitney Houston songs and sang our hearts out. We wrote letters to our friends with puffy stickers on actual paper telling them of our summer adventures.
5. At one point, every summer we piled in the back of a van and drove overnight across the country. My dad put a mattress in the back and we listened to Def Leppard on our tape recorders while Mom listened to ABBA and Juice Newton up in the front. I still know all the lyrics to “Queen of Hearts!" Somewhere during that trip, at least one kid would lose a mouth retainer in a McDonald’s dumpster and we would be forced to turn around and dig through garbage while hearing a lecture from Mom or Dad.
6. We swam in the lake and pools and went fishing and had lemonade stands where the Country Time Lemonade was only ten cents a cup. I think we made about a dollar each summer! We were in heaven.
7. Daily baths were optional because, like Mom said, "the pool is cleansing!”
8. We did attend a lot of Bible schools because Mom wanted us to know the Word of God. Or, was it the free daycare? I get it now!
9. We ran around and got sweaty and shot basketballs and played with hula hoops. On special occasions, Dad would let us go to the “movie” store and rent a Disney VHS. (If you don’t know what a VHS is... stop reading immediately! I'm too old for you!)
10. We got to have sleep overs and build forts in the living room from Mom’s old sheets and eat pop corn and Fudgsicles till we got tummy aches. We made Snoopy Snow Cones in the back yard. We told “spooky stories” until we passed out in joyful sugar comas.

Not once do I remember begging my mom to attend science camps or video editing enrichment weekends . I didn’t know what “Mine Craft” was. All we had was one joy stick and we were happy eating dots or bouncing one dot back and forth between two paddles. All of the past month I’ve been Googling the perfect camps and activities for my seven year old to do this summer so I can make sure she doesn’t miss out on anything, then doesn’t get into a good college and end up homeless. Then it will all be my fault because I didn’t get her into the right summer activities. Who is this person I’ve become? Yesterday my four and seven year old asked me to play Princess with them. We got on dresses and had our fans in hand and made imaginary cupcakes. Ruby, the four year old, had to be the servant girl (you know, the plight of the youngest). We ran around and laughed and had so much fun. I can’t say I’ve been the best mom in this department. It seems there is always some distraction to draw me away from just being in the moment with my kids. I’m trying to put my phone/camera down and not feel the need to capture every “precious moment” to share with my five thousand closest friends on social media. It does not come naturally for me but I’m trying. Today, they wanted to play with me again. This time, we made Ruby the queen. They loved every minute of it. I realized that even in today's world of high-tech entertainment, my kids still want to be kids and it doesn’t take one dime to give them the best “enrichment” they could ever need: play time with MOM. Ok, I must admit I’m exhausted. Now after this, I’m definitely going to need some mommy time to “watch Netflix” on my phone. But don’t tell them ok?

Press Release for Ron and Kerri

Contact Hannah Hyeon Telephone (240) 994-8791 Cell (240) 994-8791 Email hhyeon1@umbc.edu Website http://www.familylife.com/

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE October 4, 2014

Comedians share the secrets of marriage through faith and comedy

What happens when two comics walk into a church? Hilarity Ensues!

The Verizon Center, Washington, D.C., October 4, 2014– Family Life will celebrate the sanctity of marriage through the guidance of God as well as strengthen your marriage and rekindle the romance.

I Still Do: A One Day Marriage Event will feature special guest speakers and artists including comedians Kerri Pomarolli and Ron McGehee.

Kerri Pomarolli and Ron McGehee have been seen on Last Comic Standing 2, Comedy Central, over 29 times on The Tonight Show, ABC, NBC, TBN, Lifetime and many, many more. Both Kerri and Ron deliver strong messages of how they both gave God control of their lives and Hollywood careers and now are working full time with Jesus as their manager and loving every single minute of it!

Join Kerri and Ron, along with Family Life, as they allow you to explore how a little laughter keeps a marriage together through the faith, trust, and love of God.

# # #

If you would like more information about this topic, please contact Hannah Hyeon  at (240) 994-8791 or email at hhyeon1@umbc.edu.

Interview With Channel Mom

Hey guys! I recently did an interview with Channelmom Radio & Channelmom.Com! Listen to it here! http://channelmom.com/horrible-fifty-shades-of-grey-movie/

Do I Deserve Healing?

I sit here on the tail end of a four month battle with Satan himself. I've had four kidney stones and if you've ever had them you know they are 100% demonic. I've had prayer from all the "A Team" prayer warriors and I've recited every Bible verse I know. I just don't have a complete explanation of why I'm still suffering. I work in healing ministry and I can tell you countless stories of seeing the miraculous.  I had to go last weekend to minister to 5,000 people and I was in pain and suffering the whole weekend. How does that make sense for someone who is supposed to be "standing up for the Gospel?" It doesn’t. I've seen miracles that would blow your mind. Now I' m in my own battle against sickness and pain and it 's well....hard.

 I'm still in pain and discomfort about 24 hours a day. I know God has the answer to this. He does NOT want this for me in any way. And the big deal is this is NOT MY FAULT. I didn't do anything to “deserve” this sickness, and I didn't do anything to "deserve" this healing. I know God is my healer. I also know a test can show some wisdom and so can a doctor. So that is my prayer today, miracle healing and wisdom. If I start trying to figure out who's fault this is I'm toast. Because that is just a trap the enemy can set for us to say if things aren't going our way it is somehow our fault. Then in a broader sense, somehow the fault of those praying for us, or the fault of those praying against us. It's a slippery slope. I learned that even when I am weak and weary I have someone praying for me all the time. Someone who cares more than I ever could and that's Christ Jesus. He is my advocate. He is my strong tower. He is interceding for my victory.

I stand on God's word that I was already healed at the whipping post. I stand on God's word that I will have a testimony today for Dr. Kim. Jesus healed all who came to Him and all they had to do was ask. Actually some of them didn't even ask. Sometimes it was a parent, friend, or sister. Lazarus didn't ask to come back from the dead but his sister's did!

So I've come to the conclusion that it's not about the number of hours on my knees, my fasting, or my complete score board of faithfulness. It's about me letting go and letting God be in charge. Because I'm certain of what HIS word says. He has healed all my diseases and HE wants me to be in good health.

The thing that God is showing me is that I can't try to "earn" his healing. I can't say I “deserve” healing because I prayed. I can't say I deserve it because of my faith. Jesus died for my healing and I did nothing but believe that to receive it. And the truth is no one has all the answers. If they did they'd have a healing ministry where every single person they prayed for got healed. That doesn't exist outside of Jesus. In this world we will face trials but my faith is that God give me the word to stand on to overcome them, and that's what I'm doing. I'm not going to get in anymore depression and despair despite how my body has been feeling. I KNOW that I've done all I can do. I’m standing. I believe.

Romans 4:17-20 -  Against All Hope Abraham in Hope Believed

Moms Night Out Devo

Hey guys! Check out my devotional, "Mom's Night Out and Other Things I Miss." http://goo.gl/8a2fGw