Thursday, October 22, 2009

Do You Ever Want To Sell Your Baby On EBay By Kerri Pomarolli

I'm kinda kidding when I say I'm considering putting my almost 2 year old up for auction on EBay. Is that cruel to say? I could just put her on Craig's list and sell her to someone local in case I want to visit. No seriously, has your child ever made you so mad you just think about throwing in the towel on this whole parenting thing? Have you come home to find sharpie artwork on your new suede couch or all your favorite perfume poured down the toilet? Today was one of those days- !

I was making Lucy's favorite blue Jello today - #1.Because I don't really cook and Jello is easy to make. # 2. Because I'm awesome! I put the Jello in little ice cube trays and put them in the fridge. Behind me my lovely submissive daughter was quietly eating watermelon and drinking her milk. Don't you just love those moments when all is right with the world.

The phone rang as I started to fill the last Jello mold. As I answered the phone, I turned around to see watermelon all over the floor along with spilled milk. Cleverly, Lucy had taken the top off the sippy cup. I promised myself when I had a child I wouldn't punish them and freak out over little things like "spilled milk." I contemplated putting the watermelon back as she was trying to eat it off the floor. But I decided for the sake of cleanliness I would have her put it in the bowl and then trash it. I know there are starving kids in the world but I hadn't mopped in a while and I didn't feel like taking her to the Dr. because she ate watermelon off my dirty floor and get some weird parasite or something.

So I sweetly told her to do "clean up " and put it all back. She kinda- sorta started to do it. Then she grabbed more and stuffed it in her mouth. This was her version of cleaning?! Then she grabbed my shoe. I got the paper towels and told her to wipe up the milk. She decided it would be easier to do it with her feet while standing on the paper towels. Hmmm, I wonder where she learned that - she really does pay attention to mommy!

I continued talking to my friend on the phone assuming Lucy was doing her Cinderella clean up routine. Just then I hear "Oh no !" from her little mouth. I looked behind me to see the opened refrigerator and a waterfall of blue Jello cascading all over inside, all over the food, into the drawers and down into every crevice of my fridge and onto the floor mixing with the already spilled milk to make the most disgusting green sludge mess you have ever seen.

I absolutely lost my mind for a second. I hung up the phone and yelled
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUCY! Look what you did! Look what you did!" She's looking at me as if to say "Yeah mom I did it but you're cleaning it up!" Her shirt, that was clean this morning, was now covered with pink watermelon stains and blue Jello streaks. I thought in a moment of insanity that I could convince her to clean all of this up. I used up all the paper towels and went to get more in the closet. But my loving husband put the rest of them on the top shelf where I can't reach them and he's gone. Perfect!

I sat there cleaning and telling her to help me at least pick up the watermelon. She looked at me with this smirk on her face, toddler tunes blaring in the background, she did the unthinkable. She started to dance and sing! I'm thinking "What? Are you serious? "Then after her performance we had a stare down contest to see who would break first, me or the cute adorable kid. I had to bite my lip because she knew I was about to crack a smile and give her victory. I didn't budge and neither did she. She just kept staring at me with that "I know I'm cute and you can't be mad at me" look that she does so well. I think she learned that from her father. Just then, I realized she was right. I could lose my temper over spilled Jello but she wouldn't hold a grudge . She wasn't mad at me and I couldn't be mad at this little person that's been messing up my house for the past two years. She was too cute, too endearing and too smart. I took the pink onesie off then put her down for a nap in her crib. As I write this she's now singing Betty Boop songs and rolling around her crib talking to her dolls. It's adorable. She kills me every time!

I think I need to learn more from this little munchkin.
We never need to cry over spilled milk or Jello. We always have more than enough to eat because we're blessed. When engaged in conflict with the enemy just give them that million dollar smile and sing some toddler tune like "Oh my darling Oh my darling ,then add your own lyrics and start clapping and say YAY! All Done!" You most certainly can diffuse even the toughest foes anger...even mom!

Kerri Pomarolli is well known amongst the Christian powerhouses and spiritual warriors in Hollywood. An entertainment veteran, she has performed on the same stage as the biggest names in comedy and has been seen on the small screen many times including The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Comedy Central, ABC Family, Lifetime, NBC and many more. Pomarolli recently finished filming the outrageously funny comedy ENGAGED, set to hit the small screen. She has written 3 published books including Guys Like Girls Named Jennie that is being considered as a romantic comedy. Pomarolli’s books are well known to both secular and Christian readers and her award winning articles appear in newspapers and national magazines. Provocative and passionate, Kerri is a devout Christian who continues to lead outreach through humor. She tours extensively throughout the United States and Canada to Churches, Corporate, and today’s top comedy clubs. Kerri is in high demand as a standup comedian and emcee as well as an actor, inspirational speaker and writer. Watch for Kerri in the documentary HOLLYWOOD ON FIRE that includes some of today's and yesterday's well known celebrities. You can also see her every Tuesday at 4:00 PM EST on