"My Marital Bed is Broken" I wrote this May 08 enjoy...

My marriage bed is broken. No really, if you walk into our bedroom you will see that half of our bed is sagging to the floor. My side is neat and perfect. Ron’s side of our brand new mattress has sunk into a deep cavernous mess. If you like splinters in your behind then you can come sleep at our place. This is because I pulled another scheme and got us into this situation.

With our wedding gift money we decided to buy a new mattress. We’ve both had back problems and after watching Lindsay Wagner's 1500th infomercial we decided to try out the “Sleep Number” mattress at the store. These beds are luxurious and wonderful. Each side has a remote control and you can pump up to your desired firmness or pump down to your desired softness. We fell in love with this mattress immediately and had to have one. The only problem was that they cost $2,500.00 and they don’t sell them used on Ebay. I looked! We just couldn’t afford to spend that kind of cash on a mattress when we were newlywed full time starving comedians and needed the money for little things like rent and food. We were a bit heartbroken that we couldn’t purchase our dream mattress but we agreed to save up for it. So about 6 months later we had saved some money and I announced to Ron we were going to get a new “Sleep Number Bed” very soon. He was thrilled. It would be our first grown up purchase.

What he didn’t know was that I had the master plan. He was giving me $2500 for a mattress and box spring. I went online and  saw all the knock off brands and stumbled on a bed that promised to be everything the “Sleep Number Bed “ was and more. It was called the “Sleep Mumber” and it looked really swell according to the pictures and testimonials. Now that I think of it all the testimonials were written by the company’s founders. ARRRGH! Hindsight is 20 /20. But the big thing was that this bed was available now for a one day only internet special for$1200. What a steal! I called up Luanne at customer service and she promised our bed would be delivered the very same week. I wanted to surprise Ron so I scheduled delivery while he was gone.

I answered the door and these two dudes were standing there at the top of my second floor apt with a pen and a clipboard. One guy says” Sign here!” and then he told me to come out to their truck. They had these big boxes and didn’t look too fired up about carrying them to my apt with no elevator. The second guy wanted to leave. He came up with some excuse that the mattress wouldn’t fit through my door. I was standing in the back of this unlabeled truck that looked like it had just come from some back alley making a pick up. I wasn’t letting them leave. I said “I’ll help you guys do whatever needs to be done cause neither of you are leavin till I get my bed!” So after a lot of wrestling and 2 phone calls to their manager they got the boxes up my stairs. Then I said” Ok get started and install my bed!” They both looked at me if I was insane.”Uh maam I don’t know what you heard but we’re just the delivery company for whatever is in these boxes. We don’t do installations. See ya...sucka!” Then they bolted out my door.
I was stuck there with huge boxes in my bedroom and no bed. I thought to myself” How hard can it be? I ‘m a strong woman. I can do this myself!” I got out a kitchen knife and started cutting away through all the boxes. I used all my might and even broke a sweat but I managed to get everything out of the boxes. It didn’t look like a bed at all. It was a bunch of tubes and plastic and bubbles and things that scared me frankly. How was this going to provide those hours of heavenly sleep like Luanne promised? I spent the next two hours trying to make heads or tails of the whole thing. I don’t read directions so I just tried to make it up as I went a long. I failed miserably.

Then at about 6:30pm Ron comes home and heads into the bedroom. He sees me whimpering in the corner surrounded by parts. He had no idea what I had done but I had to sweet talk my way out of the situation. I just wiped my face and said” Surprise Honey! Our Sleep Number is here!” He wasn’t buying it because he knew good and well they would have assembled it for the price they were charging. He had that” I love Lucy” look on his face and they said” Kerrrrrrrrrriiiii..What have you done?” I turned on the waterworks hard and went into my sob story of trying to do something nice for my husband by surprising him with a cost efficient alternative to the overpriced sleep number. So I told him all about the “Sleep Mumber” its high customer rating. (Ok I made that part up!) I was hoping we‘d both giggle together and order pizza. But he knew I had gotten some knock off blow up mattress ghetto version of the real thing. He also knew there was no return policy! He also noticed there were no numbers on the dial of our “Sleep Mumber” bed. We just had to twist the one remote up and down till we liked the firmness.

So we spent the next 6 hours trying to stay married. (Well I was trying)Let’s just say our marriage was put to the test because neither of us is particularly handy. We’ve almost killed each other installing a shower curtain. No not a showerhead the curtain is what was so hard because Ron couldn’t lengthen the rod enough. We’re a mess and we know it.
Well to make a long story longer. We did get the bed installed and then we actual passed out from sheer exhaustion. Over the next couple weeks we enjoyed playing with our little controls that puffed up the bed and actually felt quite accomplished. We saved a lot of money and had the same sleeping experience as all of the fancy people on TV.

Then something started to sag in the bedroom. No not our love life….Ron’s side of the bed. It was slow at first with his side kind of leaking in the middle of the night. He’d adjust his firmness level to really firm and wake up like Goldilocks saying “This bed is too soft!”I didn’t think much of it at first because my side of the bed was holding up just fine. I attributed this to the time on our honey when I got in our private Jacuzzi with no problems when Ron joined me and the overflow of water caused a tsunami in our hotel suite and we had to call the management to fix the darn thing. Once again Ron’s issues with our equipment were not my fault! I was sleeping like a baby. Well when Ron wasn’t snoring like a chainsaw! I could kill that man in his sleep I swear! But that’s another story altogether!

So night after night he’s pump up his side of the bed to extra firm and awaken the next morning with the splinters from the wooden posts in his back and he’d get more cranky each day. I of course told him he had two options. 1. Fix the thing. 2. Sleep on the couch. I think I was secretly voting for option 2 because I’d get more snore free nights and I think I deserve that for carrying his baby don’t I?

The problem with Ron trying to fix our bed is that he has no actual skills in fixing anything and his buddy Tommy was out of town for a long time. Tommy is the one we call on to solve all our home improvement problems. We’ve made him the godfather of our child to ensure he keeps coming over to fix things out of guilt and obligation. So far so good! But Tommy wasn’t coming to the rescue. After a very uncomfortable visit my parents even offered to help us buy a new mattress. My dad said it was like sleeping in a “Cave” when he’d wake up in the morning all sunken down into the wood frame. I took the money they gave us for a mattress and went to a spa! So sue me! I just gave birth and I think God wants me to have relaxed muscles and good fingernails. Ron started sleeping on the couch and our marriage hasn’t suffered if you ask me!

Finally we decided we’d like to live in the same room after all. I kinda missed the snoring bear after all! So what were we to do? Suck it up and buy a new mattress? I didn’t want to sacrifice my adjustable sleep number mattress for some normal one with no remote! And the new ones cost at least $2500. Well leave it to some ingenuity and Ron’s hard work ethic to save the day. Well actually it was his good friend “Duct Tape” that really did the trick Ron got under the bed and taped up the hole in our air hose with Duct Tape and it all of sudden worked like a charm. We had no more air leaks and no more nights with Ron sleeping on the wood frame! It was so simple and only costs us $3.99 for the roll of tape! Whoever says Duct Tape can’t do everything including save a marriage obviously hasn’t tried hard enough!

Newsletter: News from Kerri and Ron....Kerri Performs with Natalie Grant

Kerri Pomarolli & Ron McGehee

Summer Wrap Up

Hey Guys, We just wanted to send a quick hello with a summer wrap up. Most important fact is that Lucy starts pre-school in 4 days. Do you think it's bad she's in the Overnight Pre School 7 days a week? We've had an amazing summer with travels from NYC to Napa, CA. We're so blessed with a full travel schedule this fall, including entertaining our troops on a base in North Carolina. I'm thrilled to be performing with Natalie Grant for the second time at a conference coming up this month in Phoenix. You can check out my Facebook page for details. Here is the link for the conference also. Lucy is doing a great job and keeping us on our toes. Here is a clip of her so-called, um, "Act" on stage with me last week in Napa. This proves my theory: never work with kids or animals!       Ruby continues to be truly our JOY. God really threw me a bone. She's perfect in every way and so very mellow. Thank you, Jesus. This makes traveling with two kids a bit easier and also balances her very, very "spirited" (you know the code) sister. We'd love to hear from you and keep in touch. I sold out and got a smart phone, so I'm doing my best to be "tweeting" as the kids are calling it. We still have openings for shows this fall and New Year's Eve. Contact me if you are interested in putting on a Family Fall Fun Night or a Rockin' Laugh Night for New Year's or Christmas. God bless you guys, Kerri Kerri Pomarolli & Ron McGehee 217 Palos Verdes Blvd  Redondo Beach, California 90277 877-773-4242 booking@kerripom.com

GUEST BLOG: Eat Pray Laugh Day 4

Guest Blog
Behind the Scenes of Comedy by Kristin Weber

Hi! My name is Kristin Weber. You might know me as Kerri's opener if you've followed her comedy. She is mentoring me in the ways of laughter, and I have had the privilege (the crazy, insane privilege) of touring with Kerri, Ron, and their two kids Lucy and Ruby, this past week in their Eat Pray Laugh tour throughout California. Kerri asked me to post my Day 4 Account on her blog. Here it is! Enjoy =)

(By the way, if you wish to read the accounts from the first three days visit my personal blog at http://kristinweber.blogspot.com)

Day 4 of our tour was also spent in Napa. We had two shows that day, so there was no sight seeing. I only performed at the evening show, but Kerri and Ron did some time in the morning at a church service.

Lucy, Kerri's 3-year-old, used to come on stage during her act. Unfortunately Lucy was banned from the stage after saying "stupid" into the microphone during a show.

Kerri decided to give Lucy another chance and had been coaching her on a short comedy bit. The bit was supposed to go like this:

Kerri: "Lucy, what do you say to Satan when he tempts you to do bad things."
Lucy: Sings the chorus of "We're not gonna take it" by Twisted Sister.
Crowd dies laughing.

Here's how it actually went during the show:


Lucy tried defending her actions (and other car craziness) during our ride back to the hotel:


We had a delicious meal after the show with our kind hosts, and I ate the most delicious cupcake from Sift, which was a bakery that won the Food Network's Cupcake Wars. I have been on an unofficial quest to find the world's tastiest cupcake, and so far Sift has taken the cake (my pun zap collar gave me a little shock.)

Kerri, Lucy, and Ruby ready for our evening show:


Me with my Sift cupcake box:


And thus concluded Day 4 of our comedy tour. And the people rejoiced. Yay. Yay. Yay.


www.funnykristin.com

Here is A Blog I found that I wrote a while ago... "Why I Still Watch Chick Flicks" enjoy..

Why I Still Watch Chick Flicks

(written by actress, comedian, speaker, author, award winning writer, Kerri Pomarolli)



When I was single I wrote a very empowering piece, or so I thought, titled Why I Don't Watch Chick Flicks basically explaining why they are bad for women. I expressed how they were hurting society by portraying relationships in a totally unrealistic way. They also caused me to go into a serious chocolate chip cookie binge late at night under the covers crying myself into a chocolate coma then drifting off to sleep only to dream of the leading man in the movie. When I was single, and pushing the dreaded age 30, I just couldn't find any reason to hope my life would turn out like Julia or Reese or worse yet Rene in the ever popular Bridget Jones movie! My heart goes out to women everywhere who watch these movies - where the girl always gets the guy. Why? Why? Why do we do this ourselves? Real life never works itself out in 90 minutes and I myself have never been picked up by a guy in a horse drawn carriage, limousine or private jet.

However, I did fall in love with a guy who offered me chocolate chip cookies and had no car! I did get married and walk down the aisle in a rented pretty white dress. And to top it all off we had a little girl named Lucy join the crew last year. No it didn't take 90 minutes, it took 32 years!

But tonight after another long exhausting day of chasing my one year old, playing 15 games of don't eat that and folding 343 loads of laundry, I found myself engrossed in a rerun of You've Got Mail on Lifetime with my all time favorite Chick Flick actors Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Yeah, I'm old school. Meg was the ultimate romantic and you just can't help but love her. At the end of the movie Tom and Meg find out that they really are meant to be together and when they embrace, I'm a goner. I can't help but notice I've got the same goose bumps I had the first time I saw this cheesy film and the same tear rolling down my left cheek. I'm just so darn happy for Meg because she was lonely and then she found her true love. She even used the dreaded internet. God bless her! We've all been there! I got rejected by E Harmony!



My point is that these movies can't be taken from the shelves because like it or not we need them. Yes I said it! We live in a bitter sarcastic world full of sickness, financial crisis and war. But some of us still want to believe in happy endings. Is that so wrong to admit? I grew up with fantasies of what would truly make my dreams come true. I marvel tonight at what true contentment really is.

I've just recently gone through a very tough time where the love of my life, my husband was battling an illness. I didn't have my cuddling time, my movie buddy, my best friend in my home for a while and it's brought new perspective to the term Happy Ending.

 My life may look different than a Lifetime movie and instead of sound track music mine might have Hickory Dickory Dock and Itsy Bitsy Spider. And instead of passionate sex scenes my scenes may involve me, my husband, an entire season of Lost on DVD, popcorn and triple chocolate ice cream, cuddled up for hours on our big fluffy red couch. It's my realization that I don't want Tom Hanks or Tom Cruise. I'm truly content with the man God gave me. I'm truly happy with our little world as corny as it may seem to other people. It works for us.

So instead of watching Meg with bitterness in my heart I can enjoy her journey and realize I wouldn't trade places with her or any other woman for anything in the world. I have my own fairy tale right here every day of my life. So I'm wondering about you out there reading this? No matter what season you're in can you look around and be thankful for all the blessings in your life right now? A mom/dad/friend who loves you? A great job? A roommate who cooks? New shoes you got on sale that go with the skinny jeans you can actually fit into? A child that needs you to hug them goodnight? No matter what trials you're facing I'm challenging you to find some happy endings in your life right now. They make the Chick Flicks more enjoyable because the movies are imaginary and your joy is the real thing.

Day Four of "Acting Camp"

It's day four of "Acting Camp" as Lucy calls it and she informed me today she doesn't want it to end. She said, "I want to go again and again!"

I got to interview "Teacher Barbara" yesterday and get some of her thoughts on working with this younger age group. I couldn't have her energy and excitement even after 6 cups of coffee. She is so animated with the kids, she reminds me of the Princess' at Disneyland with her long blonde hair and happy facial expressions. Barbara shared with me that for this particular camp Kids on Stage her goal is to introduce children to being on stage and all the fun in playing make believe and inventing characters. She said they focus on a non competitive environment where everyone gets a chance to shine on stage and through drama games .

I saw her circling up the kids and working with them on different emotions, facial expressions, and physical characteristics. I was amazed that all of the kids paid close attention and there was no need to be wrangling children from around the room as I've seen in so many other childcare situations.

Then each child sat remarkably well and took turns going up to pick out a special costume for the "Play of the Day." The costumes were colorful princess dresses and full on animal outfits with hoods and tails. The camp is co ed which is nice and I had to smile as one adorable little boy chose a  dragon costume with some princess accessories. He was a fierce dragon, though, no doubt about it! My daughter of course picked a huge princess dress and then her little crew took the stage. Teacher Barbara led them through a story and encouraged them to act out all the motions and activities that they had suggested. Each child had a character. My child was "Stawberrella".

I loved to see how creative the kids were as they ran and jumped and said their lines. I couldn't help but beam with pride watching every tiny action Lucy made. I was already planning her Disney tour and spin off sit com where in true Billy Rae Cyrus fashion I would play her comedic but hot mom! How can you not watch the play of the day and be thinking "wow..my kid is so awesome! Look at how she picks those imaginary strawberries with such conviction!" Ok..somebody stop me.

I politely excused myself and ended up chatting with another mother from the class. Her child is already a working professional in the industry so I couldn't help myself but ask for some numbers of some good photographers. After all, since Lucy's in Acting Camp now it'll be time for her to get a job so Mommy can go to Barbados! I'm sure glad Kids on Stage has classes for all age groups. I'm signing her up till she's 18 or goes to Broadway, whichever comes first!

Check out some of the photos and info here on the older kids camps. They look very impressive and from my homework it appears many of their students indeed have gone on to become professional actors. But I'm sure they all remember "The Play of the Day" from Kids on Stage fondly.

www.kidsonstage.com

Call me Mama Rose!

Confessions of a Stage Mother Call Me Mama Rose!

Kids on Stage Camp Day 1

Ok I admit it. I never thought I'd be enrolling my 3 year old daughter in camp of any kind. I had pictured her taking the summer off from pre school and having mommy and me time dancing in my kitchen and doing art projects while basking in the glory of toddler hood! Then I woke up! Any mom of a toddler knows that is what single people think or people who don't live with a running, dancing, screaming jumping,mess making child who needs constant stimulation. I had one week of Lucy home from Pre School and immediately starting researching "Enrichment Activities" for summer" i.e. GET MY KID OUT OF THE HOUSE. But I had to convince my husband that whatever we enrolled Lucy in would be worth the investment financially and good for her mind, body and spirit.

Now I have a confession to make. As a mom of two daughters and a former "Thespian" in a past life, I will do anything to avoid soccer. Call me selfish, call me smart. Soccer may be as cute as any sport but frankly I don't want to spend the rest of my weekends schlepping around field to field sitting in the hot sun screaming while eating stale sandwiches. I knew my mom was onto something when she enrolled me in ballet. It's one class a week and one recital a year. Brilliant and Mommy friendly. Yes!

So as I naturally transitioned into wanting to do more my mom put me in theater camp just like Kids On Stage. One session with all the stage games, fun teachers, performance costumes and I was hooked. Our first production was "Alice in Wonderland" starring 108, yes 108 children and I was a Caterpillar. I had one line. There were 9 Caterpillars but we didn't care. We each had the most important line according to our mothers. Every one of those kids had a shining moment. We were all "Butterflies" that weekend.

When I first heard about Kids on Stage camps I immediately assumed this would be something for later on down the line. When I checked out the website I was overjoyed to find out they actually have a camp and kids that are 31/2 and up can participate.

I did a lot of homework looking at other camps and comparing everything from prices, staff, times and reputation. I contacted friends who had children graduate from Kids on Stage and they had nothing but great things to say about their experience.

When you live in a town like LA there's a performance or theater camp on every corner. How would you ever choose?I looked at things like Kids on Stage having an over 25 year history. That says a lot right there.I liked the fact that their staff answered every single one of my questions and were very encouraging and unpretentious. I'm not trying to get my kid on American Idol. I just want her to have fun and participate in some activities that would teach her about the wonderful things theater and music have to offer. I have plenty of time later to get her into all that other stuff. But what Kids on Stage was offering me for Lucy's' age is a fun filled week of art, theater games, singing and performances everyday called "Play of the Day." I knew that the teacher student ratio would be awesome and everyday each kid would come home feeling like a star.

It's only been one day as I sit here writing this. One added bonus I didn't count on was that Lucy would be so extremely excited and tired. I'd get an extra hour of her napping. It's now 5:00pm and she's still asleep in her room with her performing scarf she's been carrying around. I had never left Lucy anywhere from 9:00-2:00pm Let me tell you it's a whole new sense of happy freedom! Try it, Mom! You'll thank me later!

She met Teacher Barbara and the staff this morning and I loved that one of the three owners of the whole company, Eve, was there to greet each mom. I know this can be scary for some moms to drop their kids off to strangers. I found the staff extremely welcoming and friendly. Of course I don't have this problem. I got in a fight with Lucy because she's already turned into a teenager and didn't want me "Walking in with her!" She's already embarrassed of me? She ain't seen nothin yet!

The camp size was small and there were several instructors helping each kid design a name tag. Lucy informed me that she had a really good time on day one.When I asked her exactly what she did she informed me she was having vocal problems and that"her voice" wasn't able to tell me about right then. Well I knew it went well because I didn't get any calls from the Teachers telling me to pick her up so we're off to a good start.

My favorite moment was when I picked up Lucy and she was dancing on the sidewalk with excitement. I asked the teacher how she did and with a big smile on her face she said "Lucy did great. She's more...um...free.....spirited" I know the code! Every mom knows that code for "She's fun but she can't follow directions!" She also said she heard my daughter singing an Elvis Presley song in the bathroom and she was very impressed. The stage mother in me beamed. I took my little "Thespian" home and she was asleep in no time flat. One day down and 4 more to go !

I'm already wishing it was 2 weeks. Just call me Mama Rose! For more info check out www.kidsonstage.com

Clean Comedy in Playa Vista, CA June 4th - Great Food & Fun For Everyone

To all my Los Angeles fans, Ron and I will be performing THIS Sat., June 4th in Playa Vista. If you're in the area, please come on out, bring your friends, family, and even strangers to what promises to be a fun, CLEAN COMEDY night!

This is our press release of the event:

the gap line

Clean Comedy, Great Food, Fun for Everyone June 4th!

the gap line

Clean Comedians Kerri Pomarolli and Ron McGehee from "Last Comic Standing", "Comedy Central", "The Tonight Show" and more, will be appearing together at the "Eat Laugh Pray" event June 4th in Playa Vista, CA. Featuring stories from both their single and married life with children, this husband and wife team will certainly have you rolling in the aisles… without using any profanity.

This event is an affordable fun night for singles, families and anyone who wants to see some hilarious entertainment. Childcare is provided for $5 per child, and desserts and appetizers will be available. Suggested donation is $11 at the door.

Pomarolli says, "We travel all around the world about 30 weeks a year so this is an honor to be home on our turf making people laugh. I think our daughter's pre-school teachers will be there as well as the doctor who delivered our new baby! So we have lots of people to make fun of."

McGehee adds, "We are thrilled to provide an entertaining night for all ages that everyone can feel really great about and not be insulted or offended… plus we love free food!"

McGehee and Pomarolli have recently released their new DVD "Two Comics Walk into a Church". Their latest film, "Hollywood on Fire" is out on DVD, which also features the late Jane Russell and Pat Boone.

Pomarolli adds, "We want to really support an event like this so more people realize that clean comedy can still be hilarious and be a perfect night out for the whole family on a Sat night. Please tell your friends - we're gonna get crazy and stay up past 9:00pm!"

EVENT DETAILS:

June 4th 6:30pm

6400 Playa Vista Dr

Playa Vista CA 90045

1-877-773-4242 for more info

Kerri Pomarolli and Ron McGehee travel the world with their uproarious clean comedy act that's safe for the whole family. To view their videos and shop their store, please visit www.kerripom.com and www.funnyron.com