Tips For Suviving Valentine's Day As A Single

How To Survive Valentine's Day As A Single

1. Remember to wear all black and call it "Black Wed" and picket any couple's event saying they are discriminating against you and your civil rights by not letting you in alone.

2. Make a vow to boycott doing any type of childcare of Feb 14th, Dec 31st or any other major holiday for that matter. Be strong, together we can make a difference.

3. Turn off the TV and radio so you won't be subjected to any movies starring Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts or any other bubbly single girl falling in love in 120 minutes specifically on Valentine's day and hearing any love songs by Elton John.

4. Turn off your phone to avoid any unwarranted phone calls for meddlesome married friends trying to set you up with their recently released from prison cousins or mothers calling to ask for the 1000th time, "Did you meet anyone? You're not getting any younger dear!"

5. Go to the store and stock up on supplies.
a. Ben and Jerry's (the big tub)
b. Chocolate Chip Cookies (the big tub)
c. Instant chocolate brownie mix with the frosting you can lick out of the can if need be.

6. Hide underneath your window. When you see unsuspecting happy couples walking below with those annoying heart shaped balloons shoot them with a bee bee gun. (the balloons not the couples) If you get caught, say you were filling in for cupid on his lunch break and you couldn't find a bow and arrow.

7. Remember Valentine's Day is a made up holiday by corporations to sell ugly lace filled cards and carbohydrate-filled, artery clogging candies. Think of this as saving your health by not participating and you'll probably live longer.