Lucy,
You won't understand this until you're a mom. But if you met me before you were born you would have seen a Type A (or type triple A as your dad calls me) woman. I was a go-getter. A "get it done" kind of gal. I had multi-tasking down to an impressive science. You name it, I did it! I took lessons, I read books, wrote books, traveled, lunched with friends. I was a woman with goals and those goals got accomplished. Now I can't even seem to find time to bathe! Yes you heard me! Bathing has become somewhat of a luxury activity, one in which the entire time is spent with me peaking out of the shower to glance at the video cam making sure you are still sleeping and alive. I just don't need the papers writing some story about me someday as the mother who took too long a shower and her child got out of the crib and starting eating glue or something.
But today I had chocolate cake for breakfast standing on one leg in the kitchen and forgot to brush my teeth completely. I managed to remember to feed you 30 minutes later than scheduled and now I've realized I lost your baby book that has never even been written in. How's that for "get it done?" I've turned into this walking breast-feeding machine that runs from the couch to the laundry and back to the couch for more feedings and then to the kitchen to clean dishes that have been there for two days. You daddy is a big help I must say. I've convinced him that all men have to do kitchen clean up and dust so he does it. But I just didn't think I'd be so "out of this world" when you were past 3 months old. Surely, I should have the hang of this new role in my life by now right? Not even close. I went back to work in December and you and I did some fun comedy shows together on the road and we made it back alive. Mind you we had "Auntie Karen, Aunt Lilly" and others to help but we made it. It's true when they say," It takes a village to raise a child." I guess they meant you, huh? I know God knew what He was doing when He gave me you. You're so mellow and even in the midst of life's craziness you have this calm cool look in your little blue eyes as if you're saying, "Mommy it's going to be all right!"
I'm a terrible flyer I have to tell you. I get so scared up in the airplanes when it gets bumpy and I keep praying to God to save my life and I make promises that I'll be a better person all the time. I think I've found true religion on many airplanes. But the other day when you were laid out on that little meal tray and our plane began to bump and thump. I was freaking out. I grabbed your dad's arm and tried not to turn it blue from my grip of steel. He just smiled and told me it was going to be all right and then gave me some made up scientific reasons we weren't going to die. I didn't believe him anyway. But in all the up and down bouncing you just laid there right below me with this very collected grin on your face. You stared me right in the eyes the entire time without looking away. I tried to keep calm and you just kept smiling. I could almost read your thoughts. I think you were saying "Mom, we've got this covered. I'm here with you now and it's all going to be ok." Lucy, you as my daughter have that effect on me every day. I came home after we landed and walked into our little home completely exhausted. I looked around and compared to your grandparents 8500 sq foot mansion, our 900 sq ft place looked cluttered and dirty. My type A personality was rearing its ugly head and I started to despair on all the cleaning I'd have to do right that minute.
There were things to put away, bags to unpack, clothes to fold. I was miserable already. Then I looked down, as you gleefully played on our big red couch happy as a clam. You exuded a radiance of pure joy to be in your perfect little home. I know you knew right where you were. You were at peace in all of the clutter. Because you knew you were in a place filled with love. So I threw everything down and played on that big red couch with you and your dad. We all cuddled up and watched two episodes of "I Love Lucy" on the television. Yes I let you watch some TV sometimes and I'm sure all the parenting books will tell me I'm a terrible mom but I don't care. The show had your name in it after all. I felt at peace. I had everything I could ever want and I'm not just saying that. I really felt content. I was happy to be home. Thanks Lucy.
Love,
Mom
Musings from the clean comedian, blogger, author, actress, motivational speaker, mom, 80s rocker, supermodelwannabe, social butterfly, bargain shopper, Out of the closet Christian in Hollywood.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Letters to Lucy - Mommy Magic
Dear Little One,
I realized I have magical powers tonight. You were so sad and crying uncontrollably. People would say you were "teething" or have "baby gas" or a myriad of other issues. But all I know is that when I stuck my pinky finger in your mouth you happily accepted it and then sucked and sucked with all your might. You smiled at me as if to say "Thanks Mom!" and then you closed your eyes in pure bliss and drifted off to dreamland. I realize I have that power in my little finger and also in my very own bosom as you nurse for your food. I can make it all better very quickly. If only I could keep that "magic finger" for when your first boyfriend breaks up with you with a note in gym class, or the other girls don't pick you for their kickball team, or any of the other terrors I fear you will have to face before you make it through adolescence. Oh it can be so hard. I know this from firsthand experience. I pray to God of course you will never have to go through any pain or trial whatsoever. But unless Jesus comes back first I'm pretty convinced every day of your life won't be a total cakewalk.
You'll probably be blessed with my sense of humor which has been described as "inappropriate or lethal wit" at times. That can get you into trouble. The rule of thumb my dear is "sometimes we think things that are funny in our heads but we don't have to say them out loud!" As I watch you sleeping and kiss your forehead. I wish there was a way for me to permanently attach my lips to your soft little brow for the next 20 years or so. I wonder if my mom felt that way about me. I wonder if she thought her kisses could bring healing throughout my childhood and growing up years. I know there is nothing quite like a mother's hug or even now a mother's encouraging words. I think that is why so many daughters just crave to hear the words "I'm so proud you're my daughter" from our moms even when we're all grown up. Because you my dear will always be my little baby.
I will always want to be there to make the bad things in this world go away. I'll use my pinky finger, my lips, my mind or my whole body if needed to shield you from harm and heartache. I wish my kisses could be contracts to promise that you'll never be hurt. But alas I don't think that's completely true. I just wanted you to know as long as I'm able and on this earth. I'll keep kissing you, singing you made up lullabies because I don't know the words to the real ones. I'll keep pulling the car over to make sure you're still breathing in the back seat when you're quiet. I'll keep rocking you at 3:00am and doing whatever I can to make your tears go away, even when you're 33.
I realized I have magical powers tonight. You were so sad and crying uncontrollably. People would say you were "teething" or have "baby gas" or a myriad of other issues. But all I know is that when I stuck my pinky finger in your mouth you happily accepted it and then sucked and sucked with all your might. You smiled at me as if to say "Thanks Mom!" and then you closed your eyes in pure bliss and drifted off to dreamland. I realize I have that power in my little finger and also in my very own bosom as you nurse for your food. I can make it all better very quickly. If only I could keep that "magic finger" for when your first boyfriend breaks up with you with a note in gym class, or the other girls don't pick you for their kickball team, or any of the other terrors I fear you will have to face before you make it through adolescence. Oh it can be so hard. I know this from firsthand experience. I pray to God of course you will never have to go through any pain or trial whatsoever. But unless Jesus comes back first I'm pretty convinced every day of your life won't be a total cakewalk.
You'll probably be blessed with my sense of humor which has been described as "inappropriate or lethal wit" at times. That can get you into trouble. The rule of thumb my dear is "sometimes we think things that are funny in our heads but we don't have to say them out loud!" As I watch you sleeping and kiss your forehead. I wish there was a way for me to permanently attach my lips to your soft little brow for the next 20 years or so. I wonder if my mom felt that way about me. I wonder if she thought her kisses could bring healing throughout my childhood and growing up years. I know there is nothing quite like a mother's hug or even now a mother's encouraging words. I think that is why so many daughters just crave to hear the words "I'm so proud you're my daughter" from our moms even when we're all grown up. Because you my dear will always be my little baby.
I will always want to be there to make the bad things in this world go away. I'll use my pinky finger, my lips, my mind or my whole body if needed to shield you from harm and heartache. I wish my kisses could be contracts to promise that you'll never be hurt. But alas I don't think that's completely true. I just wanted you to know as long as I'm able and on this earth. I'll keep kissing you, singing you made up lullabies because I don't know the words to the real ones. I'll keep pulling the car over to make sure you're still breathing in the back seat when you're quiet. I'll keep rocking you at 3:00am and doing whatever I can to make your tears go away, even when you're 33.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Letters to Lucy - Sugar Sugar
Dear Lucy,
Here I am again. It's like old times. I'm sneaking into the kitchen reaching to the very back of the freezer to find the Ghirardelli chocolate mint squares that your daddy brought me. I was trying not to eat candy and so I put them far away out of my reach. But I could hear them calling to me tonight. They were calling my name so I had to get out of bed to sample them. On the way to the comedy show last night your Auntie Karen brought dinner. We had Pepperidge Farm Milan Chocolate mint cookies. Then at the show I ate eclairs with chocolate frosting for dinner. Then tonight after dinner of pizza and Coca-Cola I stopped at Starbucks and had a large hot chocolate. This is not good.
I'm supposed to be cutting back on all the bad stuff. I'm working out in the mornings at that beach boot camp for mommies. I'm burning calories and slimming down so I can once again wear my old pants. But I can't seem to get a handle lately on the sugar addiction. Yes that's always been a vice in our family. Your nana and grandpa in Georgia are the worst. They raised me with a major candy addiction because our house was filled with it. Everywhere I looked there would be bowls of M & M's or mini Snickers. I so don't want you to inherit this craving that I always seem to have for chocolate. I call it "stress eating" but I must be stressed a lot because I eat it allllllllllllllll the time!
People tell me to go on a sugar fast but then I say, "what would I eat?" I think you're young enough I can master this bad habit before you're old enough to want to eat like mommy. I do realize all my little treats have been getting into my system and feeding you since you were in the womb and now through my breast milk. I bet my breast milk tastes like chocolate. Lucky you! But I read I'm not supposed to feed you any sugar at all until you're at least one. The other day when daddy was gone and I had eaten some chocolate gooey candy I came back to bed. You saw the leftover morsels on my lips and you were just crying out to me for a kiss. So I gave you a big old "chocolate kiss"! Maybe you tasted some of it then? Who knows? But this madness must stop. I don't want to raise you to be 200 pounds and end up on some talk show about childhood obesity. I don't want to be that tree-hugging, granola-eating, Whole-Foods-market, organic-only-eating mom either. If I raise you like that, you'll end up at some other kids birthday party freaking out the first time you eat cake. I'll come home and you'll be on the ceiling. So there has to be a happy medium.
There's no way you're my kid and you won't love the taste of Godiva chocolate covered cherries. They are healing. That is just a fact. But maybe it won't be so abundant around our house? Maybe I'll shop at Trader Joe's sometimes and get some vegetables for you eat? Maybe I can learn to cook healthy food for you? I really would like that. I would like you to be that kid that actually likes salad. I think most lettuce tastes like soft cardboard but that's just me. In this instance we must re-train our brains and start some better habits. I bet every mom sets out this way when her children are so young. That's why I'm breastfeeding. I want you to have the best nutritional start possible. Also I'm not into the guilt you'd give me later if I didn't at least try to nurse you. But I'm also an avid watcher of the food channel. My new challenge is the actually take some of the healthy information I've gleaned from Rachel Ray and Paula Dean and put it into practice. Ok, seriously who are we kidding? You'll find out someday that there's nothing healthy about Paula Dean's down-home southern cooking. That's why it's so good. But I'll keep trying.
My mom was a great cook and she had some awesome southern recipes that started with a stick of butter and a pound of cheese. She fed me the all-American breakfast when I was a child of Flintstones Fruity Pebbles cereal and a Flintstones multi-vitamin and grape Hi-C. Then in my BeeGee lunch box (They were a great band that mommy used to roller skate to her in basement. Roller-skates were these things with 4 wheels...yikes we'll talk later about history like this). I'd have Grape Hi-C juice box, a hostess chocolate cupcake, peanut butter and jelly on white bread or a ham and Kraft cheese sandwich. I never ate the crusts I would throw them away before I got home. When I came home my snacks would be Fruit Roll Ups, Chips Ahoy cookies Oreos, or whatever else sweet was in the house. We didn't have any huge restrictions on what we snacked on. I always felt sorry for those kids. The ones who's mom's only let them snack on fresh fruit like my friend Kelly would come over and eat a whole box of ice cream and binge at my place. When my dad would come home the first thing he would do was reach for the bag of salt and vinegar potato chips and then drink Coca-Cola from the bottle in the fridge. We weren't allowed to do that but I'd sneak drinks from the bottle anyway when I thought no one was looking. It was a big 2 liter bottle and my dad just drank right from it. I know it's gross but he worked hard all day and no one questioned him. He'd stand in the kitchen and talk to my mom and me about our days munching on potato chips. It was a fun treat when he'd take me to the convenience store sometimes to pick up Salt and Vinegar chips and a video rental. So what do I love to eat now? You guessed it...Salt and Vinegar Chips and M & M's. It's a dream come true when I'm suffering from PMS. I hope you don't suffer from that my dear. But if you do, that'll combo will do ya right up. Sweet and salty never fails. Oh what am I saying? You're not going to eat that stuff. You're going to munch on carrot sticks and other organic specialties that are overpriced at these gourmet markets because we're all convinced that the food they tell us is "organic" is healthier.
I was so stressed today I told your daddy I needed some "mommy time." I was driving around and then I turned into the McDonald's drive through. I thought of you as I ordered my chicken McNuggets. I thought, "I don't want Lucy to like fast food! I don't want her to end up like me with my eating. It's terrible!" I have this relationship with comfort foods from my childhood. It's simple. I find them comforting. I'm sure I could find a way to make something else comforting but I must confess to you I absolutely love McDonalds Chicken McNuggets and their Coca-Cola. I'm also a sucker for a beef mexi-melt at Taco Bell? So should I deprive you of those joys when you are young? I don't know. Am I a bad mom if I don't let you try it? Am I a bad mom if I let you eat it too much and then you become a terrible eater like me? I was raised on "Restaurant Row" as kid. It was McDonald's, Burger King and Long John Silver's on Michigan Ave. I loved all three. I loved going with mommy to Burger Chef too. We had some fun times there.
I try to cook honey but honestly I'm not the best at it "on the fly". I just buy sort of pre-made meals and then eat them on the couch like I did tonight. Dad was gone so I got out the "Stroganoff Steak" and put it in the microwave. It was meant to be served with veggies and some noodles. But I ate it right out of the box it was heated up in. On a scale of 1-10 it was a good solid 6. I don't know the solution. But I've been eating dinners like this for years. When I was single and bored I'd go to the grocery store and by cheap caviar, crackers, expensive cheese and prosciutto and pate. Don't ask me why I'd buy that combination of foods. Maybe I was having my own little party and I wanted to make a platter? I don't know but it was good at the time. But when you grow into eating solid foods I can't have you eating meat out of a box or liver pate on crackers for dinner. I also can't have you eating all the sugar cereal I'm so in love with. I've started buying Gorilla Crunch at Trader Joe's to transition from the Cookie Crisp cereal.
Well I'm trying honey. I really am.
I love you,
Mom
Here I am again. It's like old times. I'm sneaking into the kitchen reaching to the very back of the freezer to find the Ghirardelli chocolate mint squares that your daddy brought me. I was trying not to eat candy and so I put them far away out of my reach. But I could hear them calling to me tonight. They were calling my name so I had to get out of bed to sample them. On the way to the comedy show last night your Auntie Karen brought dinner. We had Pepperidge Farm Milan Chocolate mint cookies. Then at the show I ate eclairs with chocolate frosting for dinner. Then tonight after dinner of pizza and Coca-Cola I stopped at Starbucks and had a large hot chocolate. This is not good.
I'm supposed to be cutting back on all the bad stuff. I'm working out in the mornings at that beach boot camp for mommies. I'm burning calories and slimming down so I can once again wear my old pants. But I can't seem to get a handle lately on the sugar addiction. Yes that's always been a vice in our family. Your nana and grandpa in Georgia are the worst. They raised me with a major candy addiction because our house was filled with it. Everywhere I looked there would be bowls of M & M's or mini Snickers. I so don't want you to inherit this craving that I always seem to have for chocolate. I call it "stress eating" but I must be stressed a lot because I eat it allllllllllllllll the time!
People tell me to go on a sugar fast but then I say, "what would I eat?" I think you're young enough I can master this bad habit before you're old enough to want to eat like mommy. I do realize all my little treats have been getting into my system and feeding you since you were in the womb and now through my breast milk. I bet my breast milk tastes like chocolate. Lucky you! But I read I'm not supposed to feed you any sugar at all until you're at least one. The other day when daddy was gone and I had eaten some chocolate gooey candy I came back to bed. You saw the leftover morsels on my lips and you were just crying out to me for a kiss. So I gave you a big old "chocolate kiss"! Maybe you tasted some of it then? Who knows? But this madness must stop. I don't want to raise you to be 200 pounds and end up on some talk show about childhood obesity. I don't want to be that tree-hugging, granola-eating, Whole-Foods-market, organic-only-eating mom either. If I raise you like that, you'll end up at some other kids birthday party freaking out the first time you eat cake. I'll come home and you'll be on the ceiling. So there has to be a happy medium.
There's no way you're my kid and you won't love the taste of Godiva chocolate covered cherries. They are healing. That is just a fact. But maybe it won't be so abundant around our house? Maybe I'll shop at Trader Joe's sometimes and get some vegetables for you eat? Maybe I can learn to cook healthy food for you? I really would like that. I would like you to be that kid that actually likes salad. I think most lettuce tastes like soft cardboard but that's just me. In this instance we must re-train our brains and start some better habits. I bet every mom sets out this way when her children are so young. That's why I'm breastfeeding. I want you to have the best nutritional start possible. Also I'm not into the guilt you'd give me later if I didn't at least try to nurse you. But I'm also an avid watcher of the food channel. My new challenge is the actually take some of the healthy information I've gleaned from Rachel Ray and Paula Dean and put it into practice. Ok, seriously who are we kidding? You'll find out someday that there's nothing healthy about Paula Dean's down-home southern cooking. That's why it's so good. But I'll keep trying.
My mom was a great cook and she had some awesome southern recipes that started with a stick of butter and a pound of cheese. She fed me the all-American breakfast when I was a child of Flintstones Fruity Pebbles cereal and a Flintstones multi-vitamin and grape Hi-C. Then in my BeeGee lunch box (They were a great band that mommy used to roller skate to her in basement. Roller-skates were these things with 4 wheels...yikes we'll talk later about history like this). I'd have Grape Hi-C juice box, a hostess chocolate cupcake, peanut butter and jelly on white bread or a ham and Kraft cheese sandwich. I never ate the crusts I would throw them away before I got home. When I came home my snacks would be Fruit Roll Ups, Chips Ahoy cookies Oreos, or whatever else sweet was in the house. We didn't have any huge restrictions on what we snacked on. I always felt sorry for those kids. The ones who's mom's only let them snack on fresh fruit like my friend Kelly would come over and eat a whole box of ice cream and binge at my place. When my dad would come home the first thing he would do was reach for the bag of salt and vinegar potato chips and then drink Coca-Cola from the bottle in the fridge. We weren't allowed to do that but I'd sneak drinks from the bottle anyway when I thought no one was looking. It was a big 2 liter bottle and my dad just drank right from it. I know it's gross but he worked hard all day and no one questioned him. He'd stand in the kitchen and talk to my mom and me about our days munching on potato chips. It was a fun treat when he'd take me to the convenience store sometimes to pick up Salt and Vinegar chips and a video rental. So what do I love to eat now? You guessed it...Salt and Vinegar Chips and M & M's. It's a dream come true when I'm suffering from PMS. I hope you don't suffer from that my dear. But if you do, that'll combo will do ya right up. Sweet and salty never fails. Oh what am I saying? You're not going to eat that stuff. You're going to munch on carrot sticks and other organic specialties that are overpriced at these gourmet markets because we're all convinced that the food they tell us is "organic" is healthier.
I was so stressed today I told your daddy I needed some "mommy time." I was driving around and then I turned into the McDonald's drive through. I thought of you as I ordered my chicken McNuggets. I thought, "I don't want Lucy to like fast food! I don't want her to end up like me with my eating. It's terrible!" I have this relationship with comfort foods from my childhood. It's simple. I find them comforting. I'm sure I could find a way to make something else comforting but I must confess to you I absolutely love McDonalds Chicken McNuggets and their Coca-Cola. I'm also a sucker for a beef mexi-melt at Taco Bell? So should I deprive you of those joys when you are young? I don't know. Am I a bad mom if I don't let you try it? Am I a bad mom if I let you eat it too much and then you become a terrible eater like me? I was raised on "Restaurant Row" as kid. It was McDonald's, Burger King and Long John Silver's on Michigan Ave. I loved all three. I loved going with mommy to Burger Chef too. We had some fun times there.
I try to cook honey but honestly I'm not the best at it "on the fly". I just buy sort of pre-made meals and then eat them on the couch like I did tonight. Dad was gone so I got out the "Stroganoff Steak" and put it in the microwave. It was meant to be served with veggies and some noodles. But I ate it right out of the box it was heated up in. On a scale of 1-10 it was a good solid 6. I don't know the solution. But I've been eating dinners like this for years. When I was single and bored I'd go to the grocery store and by cheap caviar, crackers, expensive cheese and prosciutto and pate. Don't ask me why I'd buy that combination of foods. Maybe I was having my own little party and I wanted to make a platter? I don't know but it was good at the time. But when you grow into eating solid foods I can't have you eating meat out of a box or liver pate on crackers for dinner. I also can't have you eating all the sugar cereal I'm so in love with. I've started buying Gorilla Crunch at Trader Joe's to transition from the Cookie Crisp cereal.
Well I'm trying honey. I really am.
I love you,
Mom
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Letters to Lucy - Winnie the Pooh
Dear Pooh Bear,
You kind of, sorta crawled last week. Or maybe you didn't. I saw you inching your way forward on your knees. I put a toy right in front of you. You stared at it and made an effort to get it and then you just kind of sat there and thought about it for a long time. I could tell you were contemplating reaching for the toy and all the effort that would go into the venture. You decided to roll over instead...smart decision. I sometimes feel like I'm training a puppy with you down on the floor and me waving and clapping in front of your face yelping "Come on girl. Come and get it girl!" I'm sure you're just enamored with my antics.
You started really rolling over more often. I put you in the crib the other day just as I always do and I came in and somehow you had rolled yourself over and to the center of the crib and gotten your head under the decorative blanket. It freaked me out. I'm glad you're able to roll but it just happened one day and I wasn't expecting it. Sometimes you roll over on your face and you stay there as if you don't mind. I wonder if it's just too much effort to get back to the original position.
You remind me so much of Winnie the Pooh. He had great intentions for going out and getting honey and doing his tasks but most of the time he got stuck in a predicament and just muttered to himself "Oh Bother." And then he'd go on his merry way. He wasn't worried about much at all. He wasn't depressed and down like Eeyore the donkey or fretting around like Rabbit. He just basically was his cuddly wuddly rolly polly old self. Your whole nursery is decorated like the Hundred Acre Woods from Winnie the Pooh. I wanted you to be surrounded by all the wonderful characters that I loved as a child. I took that video with me to college and whenever I was sad. I would pop in the movie and pretend my bottom bunk bed was like Pooh's tree house in the Hundred Acre Woods. It was always a good day there with Pooh and all of his friends.
I think I'm more like Rabbit and you're more like Pooh. We're a good match. You just love to eat and cuddle. Please Lucy, please let me cuddle with you when you're grown up. I just don't think I could bear the thought on not scooping you up in my arms and holding you close. It's different when you're older I know. I wonder if my mom ever looks at me that way. Does she see me as her little baby still? Cuddling with you is my pure joy in life.
Your father is definitely a "Pooh "like you. If you feed him and let him nap. He's good to go in life. That's basically all he needs. Why can't I be that simple? I think if I left you and Daddy alone the two of you would have a grand old time never leaving the bed. Well as a matter of fact that sounds like a lovely day. I should take more days of doing nothing and just enjoy this time with you. Why can't I do that? I'm always rush, rush, rush. I'm always thinking and planning. It's like I have this ticker in my head and it won't go off.
Sometimes when I hold you and we're playing the world does stop for awhile. You're one of the only people in the world that can have that effect on me. I can stare at you when you're playing or sleeping and just be so in the moment. The world stands still. It's just a learning process I'm going through right now in learning to be that way more than once every so often. I don't want to miss these incredible moments you're giving me because I'm worrying about a phone call or an email that needs to be written. For instance, you just love to suck on your fingers. It gives you sheer delight and I could sit there and watch you forever just taste each and every finger one by one. It's like they are flavored with strawberry or something. You love them so much. I will take your hand out of your mouth but then you just put it right back in. It's hilarious. I hope I'm not missing these moments by being as Pooh would say "a silly old Rabbit!"
There's another character like that in the storybook "Alice in Wonderland" called the White Rabbit. He's always singing "I'm late, I'm late for a very important date. No time to say hello good bye I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" Why are rabbits always in a hurry? They're faster than all the other animals but they're still stressed about it. Hmmm...yep...I'm a rabbit for sure. I hope you don't grow up to be a rabbit. Stay the cute little "Pooh Bear" that you are. Life is nicer that way. Believe me.
When we went to Mommy and Me the other day there was this other little girl about your age who was completely round. She could sit by herself. Being the competitive mom that I am, I tried to make you sit by yourself but you refused to bend your knees. You'd much rather have me hold you and stand. When you finally do sit you just totter right over to one side and laugh. I know this whole thing amuses you to no end that all these adults are trying to make you move in ways you're just not that interested in.
You're perfectly content to just lie there on your back and watch the clouds that we painted on the ceiling. In fact you love ceilings and anything on the especially lights and fans. You will sit there for hours just staring at a light on the ceiling. I wish my life was that simple. Maybe I should take more time to just stare at the ceiling. Do you find it relaxing?
Your whole world seems relaxed to me and I somewhat jealous. I know the whole teething thing is no piece of cake but you don't seem to let it get you down. I also realize when you have that gas pain in your tummy it must hurt a lot. I ate salami the other day for lunch, about 5 pieces. I'm sorry because I think it bothered your stomach that night. I didn't think about it. I ate it all the time when I was prego with you in my belly. I'm so sorry honey. I won't eat salami anymore.
Love,
Rabbit
You kind of, sorta crawled last week. Or maybe you didn't. I saw you inching your way forward on your knees. I put a toy right in front of you. You stared at it and made an effort to get it and then you just kind of sat there and thought about it for a long time. I could tell you were contemplating reaching for the toy and all the effort that would go into the venture. You decided to roll over instead...smart decision. I sometimes feel like I'm training a puppy with you down on the floor and me waving and clapping in front of your face yelping "Come on girl. Come and get it girl!" I'm sure you're just enamored with my antics.
You started really rolling over more often. I put you in the crib the other day just as I always do and I came in and somehow you had rolled yourself over and to the center of the crib and gotten your head under the decorative blanket. It freaked me out. I'm glad you're able to roll but it just happened one day and I wasn't expecting it. Sometimes you roll over on your face and you stay there as if you don't mind. I wonder if it's just too much effort to get back to the original position.
You remind me so much of Winnie the Pooh. He had great intentions for going out and getting honey and doing his tasks but most of the time he got stuck in a predicament and just muttered to himself "Oh Bother." And then he'd go on his merry way. He wasn't worried about much at all. He wasn't depressed and down like Eeyore the donkey or fretting around like Rabbit. He just basically was his cuddly wuddly rolly polly old self. Your whole nursery is decorated like the Hundred Acre Woods from Winnie the Pooh. I wanted you to be surrounded by all the wonderful characters that I loved as a child. I took that video with me to college and whenever I was sad. I would pop in the movie and pretend my bottom bunk bed was like Pooh's tree house in the Hundred Acre Woods. It was always a good day there with Pooh and all of his friends.
I think I'm more like Rabbit and you're more like Pooh. We're a good match. You just love to eat and cuddle. Please Lucy, please let me cuddle with you when you're grown up. I just don't think I could bear the thought on not scooping you up in my arms and holding you close. It's different when you're older I know. I wonder if my mom ever looks at me that way. Does she see me as her little baby still? Cuddling with you is my pure joy in life.
Your father is definitely a "Pooh "like you. If you feed him and let him nap. He's good to go in life. That's basically all he needs. Why can't I be that simple? I think if I left you and Daddy alone the two of you would have a grand old time never leaving the bed. Well as a matter of fact that sounds like a lovely day. I should take more days of doing nothing and just enjoy this time with you. Why can't I do that? I'm always rush, rush, rush. I'm always thinking and planning. It's like I have this ticker in my head and it won't go off.
Sometimes when I hold you and we're playing the world does stop for awhile. You're one of the only people in the world that can have that effect on me. I can stare at you when you're playing or sleeping and just be so in the moment. The world stands still. It's just a learning process I'm going through right now in learning to be that way more than once every so often. I don't want to miss these incredible moments you're giving me because I'm worrying about a phone call or an email that needs to be written. For instance, you just love to suck on your fingers. It gives you sheer delight and I could sit there and watch you forever just taste each and every finger one by one. It's like they are flavored with strawberry or something. You love them so much. I will take your hand out of your mouth but then you just put it right back in. It's hilarious. I hope I'm not missing these moments by being as Pooh would say "a silly old Rabbit!"
There's another character like that in the storybook "Alice in Wonderland" called the White Rabbit. He's always singing "I'm late, I'm late for a very important date. No time to say hello good bye I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" Why are rabbits always in a hurry? They're faster than all the other animals but they're still stressed about it. Hmmm...yep...I'm a rabbit for sure. I hope you don't grow up to be a rabbit. Stay the cute little "Pooh Bear" that you are. Life is nicer that way. Believe me.
When we went to Mommy and Me the other day there was this other little girl about your age who was completely round. She could sit by herself. Being the competitive mom that I am, I tried to make you sit by yourself but you refused to bend your knees. You'd much rather have me hold you and stand. When you finally do sit you just totter right over to one side and laugh. I know this whole thing amuses you to no end that all these adults are trying to make you move in ways you're just not that interested in.
You're perfectly content to just lie there on your back and watch the clouds that we painted on the ceiling. In fact you love ceilings and anything on the especially lights and fans. You will sit there for hours just staring at a light on the ceiling. I wish my life was that simple. Maybe I should take more time to just stare at the ceiling. Do you find it relaxing?
Your whole world seems relaxed to me and I somewhat jealous. I know the whole teething thing is no piece of cake but you don't seem to let it get you down. I also realize when you have that gas pain in your tummy it must hurt a lot. I ate salami the other day for lunch, about 5 pieces. I'm sorry because I think it bothered your stomach that night. I didn't think about it. I ate it all the time when I was prego with you in my belly. I'm so sorry honey. I won't eat salami anymore.
Love,
Rabbit
Friday, February 22, 2008
Where Will I be Standing?
I always pride myself as being one of the loud, few "Out of the Closet Christians" in Hollywood today. I've been blessed to have opportunities to appear on national shows like CNN's Showbiz Tonight talking about my faith on current events and much more. But I realize this transition wasn't something I planned. And I'm a planner.
When I started out in my career as a standup comic I was playing characters with the scripts already written for me. After paying my dues I created my own act and was free to say things that I'm passionate about. I got the control we "type A women" love.
One night I was appearing at a famous Hollywood comedy club with other female comics doing disgusting sexual jokes and basically making fun of anything moral or Christian. One lady even brought a "Christian" book on stage and belittled it. I had to follow her act and all I could do was to hope for the best. People loved my jokes and the fact that I said things like "Well we Christians are Hot Right now! The Passion is a hot movie! We're the new Kabala!" I knew I had to just continue being unafraid of my beliefs and of course be funny. There was a TV producer in the audience who stopped me after the show. He said he wanted to meet with me about some possible TV opportunities based on my comedy act about my life as "Good Girl." He was really intrigued and thought it would be a refreshing concept for a sit com such as a modern day" Mary Tyler Moore." We had some meetings and he was really excited about working with me. I was really new to the comedy scene but I knew from being in TV and film these opportunities are a big deal.
One night Ben, the producer, arranged a big showcase for this huge Hollywood manager/sit com producer to see me about a possible development deal with a major network. It was at the biggest club in LA. I remember being so nervous that night. The guy working the box office was a friend of mine and fellow comic. He saw that I was nervous and did the strangest thing. He shut down the ticket booth and reached over and prayed with me. No one had ever done that in public before. It was sweet.
I went on to have a good show and met Ben and the TV exec later on for dinner. The response was positive about my act and I was pleased. Later that week Ben called and the first thing he said was "You really played that whole God card hard, huh?" I didn't know what he meant. He continued "Ya know you mentioned God several times on stage and that's really going to pigeon hole you with those people." "What people?" I asked. "You know those Christians. If you want to make it big in this town you have to manipulate your faith and not be so open about it. I even saw you praying before the show. That's a bad move if you want to be successful." I was in shock. I felt like I was being punched in the gut literally. I didn't know how to handle it and I took a day to think and pray. Then I found this verse in the bible "Blessed are those who are persecuted in my name." I thought "Wow! This is really happening and it hurts but I'm honored to stand up for Jesus for the first time in my life." I called Ben and politely witnessed to him all about how my faith was way more important than anything he or Hollywood had to offer. I knew I trusted God. He would give me all the deals in His perfect timing. I told him and when God comes back someday to judge the earth. I want to be pigeon holed with my people, the Christians. Ben and I never did work together. I went on to be more blessed with opportunities than I could ever ask for. And by the way I married the guy in the ticket booth who prayed for me, comedian Ron McGehee! See? God's good like that!
When I started out in my career as a standup comic I was playing characters with the scripts already written for me. After paying my dues I created my own act and was free to say things that I'm passionate about. I got the control we "type A women" love.
One night I was appearing at a famous Hollywood comedy club with other female comics doing disgusting sexual jokes and basically making fun of anything moral or Christian. One lady even brought a "Christian" book on stage and belittled it. I had to follow her act and all I could do was to hope for the best. People loved my jokes and the fact that I said things like "Well we Christians are Hot Right now! The Passion is a hot movie! We're the new Kabala!" I knew I had to just continue being unafraid of my beliefs and of course be funny. There was a TV producer in the audience who stopped me after the show. He said he wanted to meet with me about some possible TV opportunities based on my comedy act about my life as "Good Girl." He was really intrigued and thought it would be a refreshing concept for a sit com such as a modern day" Mary Tyler Moore." We had some meetings and he was really excited about working with me. I was really new to the comedy scene but I knew from being in TV and film these opportunities are a big deal.
One night Ben, the producer, arranged a big showcase for this huge Hollywood manager/sit com producer to see me about a possible development deal with a major network. It was at the biggest club in LA. I remember being so nervous that night. The guy working the box office was a friend of mine and fellow comic. He saw that I was nervous and did the strangest thing. He shut down the ticket booth and reached over and prayed with me. No one had ever done that in public before. It was sweet.
I went on to have a good show and met Ben and the TV exec later on for dinner. The response was positive about my act and I was pleased. Later that week Ben called and the first thing he said was "You really played that whole God card hard, huh?" I didn't know what he meant. He continued "Ya know you mentioned God several times on stage and that's really going to pigeon hole you with those people." "What people?" I asked. "You know those Christians. If you want to make it big in this town you have to manipulate your faith and not be so open about it. I even saw you praying before the show. That's a bad move if you want to be successful." I was in shock. I felt like I was being punched in the gut literally. I didn't know how to handle it and I took a day to think and pray. Then I found this verse in the bible "Blessed are those who are persecuted in my name." I thought "Wow! This is really happening and it hurts but I'm honored to stand up for Jesus for the first time in my life." I called Ben and politely witnessed to him all about how my faith was way more important than anything he or Hollywood had to offer. I knew I trusted God. He would give me all the deals in His perfect timing. I told him and when God comes back someday to judge the earth. I want to be pigeon holed with my people, the Christians. Ben and I never did work together. I went on to be more blessed with opportunities than I could ever ask for. And by the way I married the guy in the ticket booth who prayed for me, comedian Ron McGehee! See? God's good like that!
Monday, February 18, 2008
IF YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL IN THE 70's......
Hey Guys!
I found this email online...these are some of my favorite memories!
~Kerri
1. You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked.
2. You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it.
3. You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels.
4. You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute (admit it!)
5. You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.
6. You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie", not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill".
People sometimes thought you were a boy.
7. You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days.
8. You owned a "Slip-n-Slide", on which you injured yourself on a sprinkler head more than once.
9. You owned "Klick-Klacks" and smacked yourself in the face more than once!
10. Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.
11. You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.
12. You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.
13. You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits, or the sunshine family
14. You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once.
15. You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color. (Oh yeah!)
16. You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole & the buckle). You also had a pair of salt-water sandals.
17. You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Oleson!
18. You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink!
19. PONG! ("video tennis" ) was the most remarkable futuristic game you've ever heard of!
20. Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket.
21. When you walked, the "wings" flapped up and down, looked like you were gonna "take off"
22. You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.
23. You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic.
With the thermos inside some were glass inside and broke the first time you dropped them.
24. You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend.
25. YOU had Star Wars action figures, too!
26. It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!
27. You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry.
Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or David Cassidy?"
28. You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record album.
29. You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom.
30. You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts!
31. You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.
32. You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat.
33. You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books. (Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.)
34. You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics. (It's not??)
35. You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.
36. You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.
37. You drowned yourself in Love's Baby Soft - which was the first "real" perfume you ever owned.
38. You glopped your lips in Strawberry Roll-on lip-gloss till it almost dripped off.
I found this email online...these are some of my favorite memories!
~Kerri
1. You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked.
2. You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it.
3. You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels.
4. You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute (admit it!)
5. You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.
6. You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie", not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill".
People sometimes thought you were a boy.
7. You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days.
8. You owned a "Slip-n-Slide", on which you injured yourself on a sprinkler head more than once.
9. You owned "Klick-Klacks" and smacked yourself in the face more than once!
10. Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.
11. You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.
12. You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.
13. You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits, or the sunshine family
14. You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once.
15. You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color. (Oh yeah!)
16. You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole & the buckle). You also had a pair of salt-water sandals.
17. You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Oleson!
18. You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink!
19. PONG! ("video tennis" ) was the most remarkable futuristic game you've ever heard of!
20. Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket.
21. When you walked, the "wings" flapped up and down, looked like you were gonna "take off"
22. You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.
23. You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic.
With the thermos inside some were glass inside and broke the first time you dropped them.
24. You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend.
25. YOU had Star Wars action figures, too!
26. It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!
27. You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry.
Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or David Cassidy?"
28. You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record album.
29. You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom.
30. You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts!
31. You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.
32. You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat.
33. You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books. (Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.)
34. You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics. (It's not??)
35. You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.
36. You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.
37. You drowned yourself in Love's Baby Soft - which was the first "real" perfume you ever owned.
38. You glopped your lips in Strawberry Roll-on lip-gloss till it almost dripped off.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Reality Rules
Greetings from the "Mommyhood". Our little 10 pounder arrived 4 weeks ago and we've been in survival mode feeding the little "Sumo wrestler" ever since. Thank God for Grandparents because we would not have survived without them. My folks have been with us for the duration. So, I haven't seen the light of day except through that magical little life saving tube that got me through my pregnancy called the "television". I'm sad to admit my excitement comes in the form of looking forward to nights as a family watching reality TV. Now that the Writers Union is on strike there will be more of it for me to enjoy. You can laugh all you want but I like it.
I'd like to take a stand and defend my family night entertainment. All three generations of us enjoy "Top Chef" "Next Iron Chef" "Boy Meets Grill" and anything on the Food Channel. The irony there is that I don't cook. So it's kind of cruel torture for my husband to see all those delicious dishes he won't be eating. Oh well I gave birth to his child. That should hold him for 18 years.
There's also "The Amazing Race" where teams compete in a race around the world. With my mom here, we get old school and watch game shows. I admit I do get a kick out of watching "Deal or No Deal" where people with absolutely no skills whatsoever get to win a million dollars. Our favorite of all is "Dancing With the Stars". This brings back memories of Saturday nights as I sat and brushed my grandma's white hair and we watched Dance Fever and even Solid Gold if mom wasn't home. (Sometimes we'd chill out to a little Lawrence Welk)
So why my obsession with these mindless shows when we know our family could be indulging in some old fashioned Yatzee or actual conversation? Well, here is the deal folks: we're all cooped up in this home caring for a new baby 24 hours-a-day and our minds are mush. So what makes us happy is to watch other people cook, win money or learn dance routines. Isn't rooting for Marie Osmond on Dancing with the Stars too cool? I grew up with her and Donny.
My main defense is that these shows are good clean fun. It's not like we can all sit around and watch "Desperate Housewives" or "Dirty Sexy Money" and all the other disgusting offerings on the tube these days. It's sad that there aren't shows on nowadays like we used to watch including "Little House on the Prairie" or "Happy Days". I miss Fonzie! I'm even appalled by some of the children's shows on now and how inappropriate they are.(Wow! I sound like a mom
already!) So what's a mom to do? Until there are good clean scripted shows on that me, my folks and baby can enjoy together, baby Lucy is going to grow up being a really good cook and knowing some "kickin" dance moves. Maybe we should get our own reality show? Now..that's the ticket...
I'd like to take a stand and defend my family night entertainment. All three generations of us enjoy "Top Chef" "Next Iron Chef" "Boy Meets Grill" and anything on the Food Channel. The irony there is that I don't cook. So it's kind of cruel torture for my husband to see all those delicious dishes he won't be eating. Oh well I gave birth to his child. That should hold him for 18 years.
There's also "The Amazing Race" where teams compete in a race around the world. With my mom here, we get old school and watch game shows. I admit I do get a kick out of watching "Deal or No Deal" where people with absolutely no skills whatsoever get to win a million dollars. Our favorite of all is "Dancing With the Stars". This brings back memories of Saturday nights as I sat and brushed my grandma's white hair and we watched Dance Fever and even Solid Gold if mom wasn't home. (Sometimes we'd chill out to a little Lawrence Welk)
So why my obsession with these mindless shows when we know our family could be indulging in some old fashioned Yatzee or actual conversation? Well, here is the deal folks: we're all cooped up in this home caring for a new baby 24 hours-a-day and our minds are mush. So what makes us happy is to watch other people cook, win money or learn dance routines. Isn't rooting for Marie Osmond on Dancing with the Stars too cool? I grew up with her and Donny.
My main defense is that these shows are good clean fun. It's not like we can all sit around and watch "Desperate Housewives" or "Dirty Sexy Money" and all the other disgusting offerings on the tube these days. It's sad that there aren't shows on nowadays like we used to watch including "Little House on the Prairie" or "Happy Days". I miss Fonzie! I'm even appalled by some of the children's shows on now and how inappropriate they are.(Wow! I sound like a mom
already!) So what's a mom to do? Until there are good clean scripted shows on that me, my folks and baby can enjoy together, baby Lucy is going to grow up being a really good cook and knowing some "kickin" dance moves. Maybe we should get our own reality show? Now..that's the ticket...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)